Tabloid Clangers

Roll on Halloween, kids

‘We’ll lock up trick or treat kids, cops warn parents’

In an issue which surely holds a record number of references to ‘yobs’ and ‘thugs,’ The Daily Mirror exclusively reveals this week that trick or treaters who frighten householders will be arrested and locked up.

Officers say older people “live in fear” of their homes being pelted with flour and eggs, and warn that children who have been in trouble before could end up in court if they misbehave at Halloween.

Of immigrants and animals

‘Immigrants in lorries like herds of cattle’ screams The Sun.‘They coughed up £5,000 each for new life here.’ (like cows coughing up old grass perhaps?)

The cattle seem to turn into mice by the end of the article on how police smashed a people smuggling racket that brought in 100,000 illegal immigrants. Quoting the old anti-immigration thinktank MigrationWatch UK, The Sun claims there could be as many as 870,000 illegal immigrants currently living in Britain, with five “sneaking” in for every one caught. Did you know that cattle could sneak?

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