Sexually inappropriate behaviour: adolescent boys ‘sex games’ require intervention

Three adolescent boys, including brothers, engage in sexual activity with each other. Andrew Durham has to balance giving the boys freedom to explore their sexuality with concerns about coercion. Graham Hopkins reports

The names of families mentioned in this article have been changed

CASE NOTES
PRACTITIONER:
Dr Andrew Durham.
FIELD: Young people with inappropriate sexualised behaviour.
LOCATION: Warwickshire.
CLIENT: Bradley and Rio Howes are 15-year-old black African-Caribbean non-identical twin brothers. The boys are close to their school friend and neighbour Ashley Green, a white British boy, also 15. Their parents are also close friends.
CASE HISTORY: The boys would regularly sleep over in each other’s houses for most weekends. On one occasion Ashley was shocked to wake up and find Rio and Bradley in one bed engaging in sexual activity. Rio pleaded with him not to tell anybody. For several weeks Ashley kept quiet but was confused and concerned by what he had discovered. Nonetheless, he continued his close friendship with Rio and Bradley, still sleeping over regularly. On one night Rio woke up Ashley, while Bradley was asleep, and asked him if he would like to get into his bed. Ashley felt quite pressurised and agreed to do this for a short while. Rio’s mother, Marcia, heard a disturbance and entered their bedroom, to find Rio and Ashley in bed together.
DILEMMA: The siblings needed to explore their sexuality but were frightened of their father and extended family who had strong feelings against homosexuality.
RISK FACTOR: The brothers and Ashley wanted to remain close but had to manage their relationships and feelings.
OUTCOME: Rio is now open about being gay and this has proved acceptable to his family and friends, although his father Lester still struggles with it.

Sexual activity among friends under 16 is not uncommon. Indeed, it is often part of the experimenting and curiosity that surrounds a person’s sexuality. But it remains illegal and open to abuse by those who are physically or mentally stronger than others. And therefore, as with any sexual relationship, informed consent is vital.

Having discovered that their twin sons, Rio and Bradley, 15, had been engaging in sexual activity for over nine months, and
that their friend Ashley Green might also have been involved, Marcia and Lester Howes and Ashley’s mother, Sylvia, agreed  that the boys needed professional help. “Rio had originally denied any involvement,” says Andrew Durham, consultant practitioner for the Sexualised Inappropriate Behaviours Service (Sibs) in Warwickshire, who took up the case. “But Bradley later disclosed what had been going on, saying that at first he did not want to do it, but Rio had persuaded him by offering him money and computer games. He also said that he had wanted to tell his mother for a long time, but was very scared about being accused of being gay, especially as he knew that his father Lester had strong opinions against this.”

Indeed, at an initial meeting, Lester demanded that social services “sort his boys out and make sure they were not homosexual”. A subsequent planning meeting, concerned about the degree of pressure being exerted by Rio, agreed that all three boys should be interviewed under the child protection procedures.

“It was important to be clear that the worrying issue was not about gay sexuality, but about informed consent and pressure in sexual relationships, and the issue of sexual contact between family relatives,” says Durham. The therapeutic work thus assessed and explored the balance between consent, co-operation, pressure and force.

He adds: “Overall, Ashley and Bradley were very confused about whether they had consented or not. Bradley was very clear about wanting it to stop. Rio was physically smaller and weaker than Bradley, but had a stronger and more confident personality.”

On balance, and in the accordance with the Sexual Offences Act 2003, the police decided that with therapeutic work in place, it would not be in the public interest to charge any of the boys. “They considered giving Rio a final warning,” explains Durham, “but decided to speak informally to him about the future consequences of non-consensual sexual behaviour.”

Sibs provided advice on how the three boys could remain close friends by understanding how their feelings of friendship needed to be delineated from feelings of sexual attraction, and how to draw a line under what had happened between them.

A family safety plan included a small upstairs box-room being converted into an extra bedroom so Rio and Bradley could have separate rooms.

“A full programme of therapeutic work with Rio addressed his inappropriate sexual behaviours, and the impact they had on others, incorporating opportunities for Rio to fully discuss his sexuality,” says Durham. Rio proved very welcoming of therapeutic support, and was able quickly to own up fully to starting the sexual behaviour both with Bradley and with Ashley. “Rio volunteered that he needed to make apologies to both Ashley and Bradley. He was very keen to have more discussions about his situation, as he did not feel he could talk about it to anyone in his family.”

Rio was able to recognise that he dominated his relationship with Bradley, and that Bradley would often do things to please him. “Rio stated that if he had known how unhappy Bradley had been, he would not have done anything sexual with him, or would have stopped when he found out,” Durham adds.

Rio eventually said that he believed that he was gay, as he had never had any sexual feelings towards girls, and often found himself looking at other boys at school. He felt that he could never tell his parents about this, as he knew that he would not be accepted by them.

Over time there were improvements with this, but Lester still remains uncomfortable. “The plan of work was completed with Rio over several months,” concludes Durham. “Towards the end of the work Rio began to speak much more openly about his sexuality.
Eventually Rio made the decision to have some discussion with his parents, initially his mother. Soon after Rio was 16, he moved from school to college and began to make connections with other gay young people in the wider community.”

At this stage the therapeutic work with Rio came to an end, and there have been no further reported concerns about his sexual behaviour.

Independent Commennt
Working with Rio, Bradley and Ashley presented the Sibs team with several challenges, writes Patrick Ayre.

Some degree of sexual exploration between friends or even siblings, is quite common. “Doctors and nurses” or “you show me yours and I’ll show you mine” have been an unacknowledged feature of childhood culture since time immemorial.

The strict taboo on incest ensures that few will talk about experiences within the family openly, although stories of
boys peering through the keyhole at their sister were common when I was young.

But these boys were a little old for such inquisitiveness. By the age of 15, acute awareness of social prohibitions might be
expected to exercise a powerful influence, yet Rio persisted in what was fairly risky behaviour. Indeed, he extended the risks further by involving Ashley.

Exploration of how the situation may have developed raises for me the issue of parent-child relationships, which is not
mentioned in Rio’s treatment programme.

When young people feel unable to discuss with their parents the challenges in their lives for fear of punishment or extreme
disapproval, they may adopt approaches that are not constructive.

If they cannot talk within the family about their dilemmas concerning, for example, drug use or sexuality, they must either accept the often unreliable guidance of their peers, or try to sort things out their own way, as Rio seems to have tried to do in this case.

While parents must set moral standards for their children, the secret is to be able to do so in such a way that the children do not feel that transgression means rejection.

Patrick Ayre is an independent child care consultant and senior social work lecturer at University of Bedfordshire

 

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