It's time to face yourself

Do you ever feel too fat, too thin, or just downright ugly? Don't worry if you do - everyone has days when they feel they are unattractive. The important thing is to learn to accept that you are who you are, and to make the best of the shape that nature has given you.

Wednesday 01 June 2005 00:00

Common dilemmas

"I want to look like the celebrities I see on TV and in magazines"

The sooner you accept that you can't, the better. Celebrities have to look amazing - it's what they are paid to do. Unlike you, they have time and money to spend on achieving the perfect look. You would look just as fantastic if you had a personal trainer, a beauty therapist, dietician, and stylists at your fingertips. And don't forget the manipulation that goes on in the media - magazines use clever lighting, make up and staging to make their models look as good as possibleÉ and then airbrush the results to make them look even better!

"I don't think I weigh the right amount"

How much you should weigh comes down to your shape, build and muscle content. Some people have a bigger frame than others and so the healthy weight for two people of the same height can be quite different. To a certain extent your body shape is determined by your genes, and there's not much you can do about that. The best way to achieve and maintain a sensible weight is by eating healthily (with treats sometimes) and taking regular exercise.

"It would be better if I was thinner"

Happiness is not based upon your amount of body fat - just think of all the skinny but unhappy famous people there are. When you lose weight you may be able to buy a smaller dress size but that is about as good as it gets. Your figure will be the only thing that changes - life just isn't as simple as that.

"But slim people have more friends"

Do they really? How popular you are does not depend on what dress size you take, it is a result of how you behave. If people only want to spend time with you when you look a certain way then they are not worth the effort. Friends who really care will look beyond your outer appearance and realise that it's the person inside who they value.

"I hate the way I look"

If you find yourself thinking like this then it's time to stop judging your self worth solely on your physical appearance. There's a lot more to a person than how they look - just think about the qualities you most admire in other people. Rather than basing how you feel about yourself on what you look like in the mirror, think about all the other things that make you who you are such as your family, friends, hobbies, and opinions.

"I get picked on because of how look"

Nobody has the right to tease others about their appearance as nobody has the perfect body. While it's hard not to be upset by what others say, try not to take it personally. People often criticise others because they feel bad about themselves, so remember that it's they who have the problem, not you. Imagine what they look like naked - that will help you to deal with their immature remarks!

Tips from an expert

Kerri McPherson, a health psychologist who advises people about how to gain a positive image, says:

Remember that everyone is different. "If we all looked the same we would all look fairly boring. People who are the most striking often look a lot different from everyone else. They have usually done their hair differently or are wearing different clothes."
Work out which are the best parts of your body and concentrate on promoting those. "Everyone has got something bad about them. Just forget about it and look at your good bits. If you spend your life trying to better your negative aspects then you will spend your life being very negative."
Dress in a way that enhances your individual body shape, don't just go for the latest fashions. Remember that some clothes - like hipster jeans - don't look good on everyone. "If your clothes are ill-fitting you'll find yourself pulling at them to fit properly and you'll end up feeling negative about yourself."
Instead of worrying about the way you look, have a think about your other qualities - such as your personality. Everyone has characteristics that make them a good person.
You can't change who you are. "Develop you as yourself, not as another clone."
Diets don't work. In the long run people often end up weighing more than when they started.
Choose who you hang out with carefully. "Be with people because you enjoy being with them rather than just because they are cool. If somebody expects you to change to fit in then they are not a good person to be with."

Get moving

Exercise is key to achieving a healthy weight but that doesn't mean you have to become a sports fanatic. Even if you hate sports there are certain things you can do in your everyday life that will boost your activity levels - using the stairs, walking to school, cleaning your room, going shopping, in fact anything that gets you up off the sofa and moving around counts as activity.

A step too far

Sometimes people get so wrapped up in worrying about how they look that they develop an eating disorder. Clues that things could be getting out of control: