News

Support, I feel, is an undervalued word. I have always felt that carers never get the support necessary, and I don't just mean professional support. Yes, it is true that there are foster care networks and support groups that operate on both a formal and informal basis. But for a grandparent who is the main carer of his grandchildren, for instance, there is no specific group or network.

I will not dwell on the circumstances, save to say that our grandchildren's parents are dead. The children went through a succession of foster parents before my wife and I took responsibility for them. But that was not before we had endured years of pain and rejection from a social services department that did not feel it appropriate for the children to be placed with us.

A change of management and social worker resulted in a change of thinking and approach, but what was not accounted for was the emotional damage that my wife and myself had sustained. Being told we were not appropriate carers for the children five years before, and then being told we were, was confusing for the children and us. It caused pressure on our marriage. When the children's expectations of permanency with ourselves came to fruition, it could not be realised. My wife was emotionally drained and unable to look after the children. But the children were committed to living with us. What could I do?

I could not see two children I loved deeply, having endured abuse and rejection themselves, suffer more. My wife and I had been through a great deal, but I simply could not let the children go through further emotional upheaval and uncertainty. Therefore, I was forced to take an option that was painful but necessary - I chose the children.

Social services were very good in providing financial support and professional social work support, but I have not had the opportunity of support from other carers. I have not had the opportunity of seeking out people who have had similar experiences. I know that my wife and I (we are currently separated) would concur with the feelings of many grandparents, who have a full-time responsibility for looking after their grandchildren, that their contribution is neither recognised nor valued. There are too many variables in deciding how children in these circumstances should be cared for, with too much discretion for local authorities. Some discretion is important in addressing individual needs and particular circumstances, but I do feel that national guidelines are necessary.

More and more grandparents undertake either part- or full-time care for their children's children and this needs to be recognised. Raising the national profile of grandparents as carers would help to achieve normality in the lives of children raised in extraordinary circumstances.

Bernie Walsh is a grandparent and social worker.