Graham Hopkins advises writers of social care reports and guidelines to cut the word count.
Padding is unquestionably the greatest crime in social care writing. It even leaves pomposity and the use of jargon gasping for breath. The challenge seems to be: why use three words when clearly 35 will do?
However, getting to the point is easier said than done (or written). As the mathematician and occasional theologian Blaise Pascal (1623-1662) lamented to a correspondent: "I am sorry for the length of my letter but I had not the time to write a short one."
However, William Strunk, Jr (1869-1946) professor of English at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York, fought his corner well: "Vigorous writing is concise," he declares. "A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all their sentences short, or that they avoid the detail and treat their subjects only in outline, but that every word tell."
Too often our words fail to tell. In the following examples the italicised words could be left out: "A number of refinements and minor amendments were suggested"; "It is apparent that the bell is currently difficult to hear in the kitchen area"; "The department is in the process of writing a complaints procedure."
Sometimes, simply getting to the point helps. For example, one Community Safety Partnership Strategy took 26 words to say: "The basis of the Partnership is a number of shared values and beliefs derived from an analysis of the problems of crime in Barnsley. These are..." And yet all they needed to say (which they now do, happily) is "We believe..." Thus 24 words saved and huge sighs of relief for readers.
Social care writers also slip up by slipping in phrases where one word would do. These include: "is in possession of" (which could be replaced by has or have); "in the event of" (if); "the majority of" (most); "in addition to the above" (also); "as a matter of course" (normally); "in conjunction with" (with); and, "you are requested to" (please).
There also appears to be an unwritten law that says every piece of social care writing must include something being on some sort of (usually "regular") basis. But we also have things on a flexible basis; part-time basis; annual basis; ad-hoc basis and so on - on a forever-and-a-day basis. It may be tough to hear, but this need never happen. Staff need never meet on a regular, weekly or monthly basis again. They can meet regularly, weekly or monthly.
So from now on you should omit, leave out and exclude all those unnecessary and needless words that do not contribute to what you have to say and which you don't really need. Or, omit needless words.
Slip of the pen…
"The family are strongly in favour of capital punishment when admonishing their children."
from a social work report, (anonymous contribution)
"We need to drink responsibly to ensure we do not damage our lifestyles and our health."
From a drugs & alcohol pack for young people, (thanks to Stewart Russell, young persons' support team, Portsmouth)
Contributions welcome. Please send them to graham.hopkins@rbi.co.uk
Determined circular….
"Where the rent officer notifies the local authority of a substitute determination or substitute redetermination, it should be treated as a fresh determination for the purposes of seeking a redetermination."
From a housing benefit circular
Please send in examples of jargon and management-speak to graham.hopkins@rbi.co.uk
