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These are the responses we received to the debate on whether gay men with learning difficulties should be allowed to have sex and offered support:
To read Community Care's recent article on the subject click here
"I was glad to see the 'glasses of heterosexuality' come off as quoted by Paul Cambridge, and a bit of reality expressed, as sexuality is not a choice. Therefore it is vital and valid that either gay men, lesbian, transsexual and transgender with learning difficulties should have the opportunity and support to be able to express their sexuality and have sex.
However if we ask carers and families to support this, then we may increase the risk of homophobia, discrimination and oppression, and if we asked social services to fund a specialised service, the usual homophobic press will have a field day i.e.
Social services fund gay men to have sex with men with learning disabilities!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you imagine the outcry. Whilst this article was a pleasant change I am afraid that the heterosexual glasses will be put back on without any adjustments."
Trevor Adams
"I agree that men with learning difficulties who would like to have a relationship with another man should be supported to do this and be enabled to take safe sex precautions and protected as far as possible from abuse.
I was interested in reading the accompanying article which, I thought was going to be about gay people in general. Indeed there was a nod and a wink in the direction of women. However, I see that within a group which is doubly discriminated against, ie gay men with learning difficulties, there is another group which is even more discriminated against because they were immediately airbrushed out of sight - lesbian women with learning disablilities. I cannot believe that their needs are not equally as pressing as those of gay men. They cannot be subsumed under the heading "gay people" - not really.
Are you proposing to run a similar article on the needs of lesbians with learning difficulties?"
Diana Proudfoot
"I'm employed by a metropolitan borough council as a senior care officer in a residential home for adults with a learning disability. I am a gay male worker and I strongly agree that no matter what creed, race, or sex they are, all individuals should have the right to express there sexuality even if it may be with the same sex "so long as both parties consent to this". I would however be interested to explore what services and support is available in assisting and supporting consenting adults to develop a meaningful relationship."
Anonymous
"Of course gay men with learning disabilities should be 'allowed' to have sex! To state otherwise is surely a denial of their human rights. I am appalled (though hardly surprised) that heterosexual care staff and managers should assume the right to dictate how men express their sexuality. Support and understanding is what is needed if gay men with learning disabilities are to be able to make informed choices about sexual relationships whilst minimising the potential for putting themselves at risk."
Adrian Frayne
"Your article on people with learning difficulties having sex was thought provoking, if a little condescending. To even ask for comments on "do you think gay men with learning difficulties should be allowed to have sex and offered support?" is insulting in the extreme. Since when did we have the right to refuse anyone sexual contact. As for choice of partner, surely everyone's right in law should be equal. My starting point is all people are entitled to a sexual relationship and without appropriate support, guidance and help you simply drive underground natural desires. When there's an AIDS epidemic amongst guys with learning difficulties will it be their own fault, or the fault of those who refused them help and support?
Paul, Stoke on Trent
"Interesting article which provoked memories for myself as an HIV prevention outreach worker working in Stoke on Trent 91-92. We found a significant group of men with learning disabilities using the cruising areas, toilets and parks. in order to reach them with info we devised cartoon based info sheets rather than the wordy glossy leaflets produced by THT etc. The materials around at the time used pretty boy images with trendy venues as the background. This also related to videos around at the time. We devised cartoon images with local connections ie potbanks/canal towpaths etc as the background linking it to the local experience, we also used diverse male images ie thin fatter bald specs etc. this gained good responses from the men and gained recognition as a model of good practice at the time. Sad to read from your article little has moved on."
Paul Bartle
"I find it interesting that your article concentrated almost exclusively on the difficulties gay men with learning difficulties can face. It appears that lesbian women with learning difficulties are still utterly invisible, even in your world.
As for your question 'Do you think gay men with learning difficulties should be allowed to have sex and offered support?' What on earth does that mean? Gay, lesbian or straight, learning difficulties or not, ALL adults are perceived as adults in law and NO-ONE else has the right to make decisions about their (consensual) sexual life or orientation."
Andy Grandmottet-Shaw
Placement Monitoring Officer
Social and Community Services
"I do think that gay men with learning difficulties should be allowed to have sex and given support. I also think that lesbians and bisexual men and women with learning difficulties should be given support too.
I am a lesbian who is a support worker with adults who have learning difficulties. I have worked both residentially and vocationally. I agree that there is a culture of silence and uncomfortableness with sex generally in many residential homes. In the past, I have not felt comfortable with coming out to clients because I did not feel supported by management or policy in discussing sexual issues. I have personally felt that by discussing my sexuality openly, I might be seen as imposing my sexuality. As a result, I have missed opportunities to provide support and information to clients who need it.
I think that we need to support open discussions about sexuality with people who have learning difficulties, perhaps with peer support groups with gay/lesbian facilitators. We need to provide training and support around these issues with support workers. I also think that women are in equally great need of support, regardless of their perceived risk of abuse or HIV infection. People who have learning difficulties have a right to identify as gay or lesbian (which means being given all the information about what that means so they can choose how they identify themselves.) and find (or demand/expect) support in each other and the gay and lesbian communities. Although health is an issue, it is also about self esteem, self respect and basic human rights."
Daisie Auty
"I write as a volunteer advocate who supports a group of lesbian, gay and bisexual people who have learning difficulties.
Members of the group have experienced many of the issues identified within the article and thus, are heartened to see these being addressed within a national publication. However, they would like to express the following concerns:
* Why did the article focus exclusively on men? Women with learning difficulties who have a preference for same-sex relationships have even fewer outlets than men through which to express their sexuality. Members of the group feel that this needs to be acknowledged.
* Whilst members of the group are unsure if the author has learning difficulties herself, they feel that it would have been more appropriate had the article been written jointly with a gay man who has learning difficulties, thus giving a much discriminated group of people a voice and the opportunity to create an awareness of what it is actually like to live as a gay man with learning difficulties in our society.
* Finally, the group feel that it is important that those who support people who have learning difficulties are made aware that groups such as this exist, i.e. a group run by people who have learning difficulties for people who have learning difficulties."
Iain Carson
Faculty of Education
University of Manchester
"With reference to your article 'Learning to Love Safely' (Community Care 28 March-3 April), gay men with learning difficulties should certainly be allowed to have sex and be offered suitable support to ensure that they are able to do so safely and without fear of discrimination from carers. It is unfortunate that there are few sources of information, which offer safer sex guidance to gay men with learning difficulties. Terrence Higgins Trust is currently working in partnership with REGARD (the national organisation for gay, lesbian and bisexual disabled people) and the Norah Fry Research Centre at the University of Bristol to find out more about the experiences of men and women with learning difficulties who want to develop gay or lesbian relationships. We will also be exploring the barriers or prejudice they encounter and highlight ways in which their carers have been able to assist in helping them to overcome these. From this research, we hope to be able to produce resources that will enable people with learning difficulties to develop their sexual identities and engage in relationships safely."
Dr Jamie Kinniburgh
Policy, Campaigns and Research
Terrence Higgins Trust Corporate Office
"I should be amazed that the question of whether gay men with learning difficulties should be offered support has even been posed, but sadly I am not. Men with learning difficulties who identify as gay or bisexual, or who express an interest in sexual relations with other men should be offered support. With good information in a format that is accessible these men will be better able to assess the risks associated with particular sex acts, public sex environments and sexual partners. As to whether these men should be allowed to have sex, perhaps we should be redrawing the limits to our (perceived) authority. There is still a long way to go."
RA Hawkins
"Of course gay men with learning difficulties should be able to exercise the same rights to relationships, comfort and intimacy as every other person in this society. They should be offered support and advice as appropriate."
Nikki Bradley
"In Coventry we at Terrence Higgins Trust and staff at Grapevine Drop In Centre attempted to set up a support group for men with learning difficulties who were or might be gay attending local day centres. As the local gay men's project Grapevine approached us because they knew that some of the men using their service were cottaging in local toilets.
Together we ran a roadshow at day centres across Coventry informing people about our idea for a support group and to find out what people thought. We realised that like the rest of the world these day centres were very heterosexualised and non-sexual environments. Nowhere were there any images that let people know that some men are attracted sexually to other men. There was nothing to balance the immense numbers of heterosexual affirmative messages that we see every day. With Grapevine's help we mocked up a small poster with an illustration of two men with their arms around each other and a love heart in between them, and the words 'Some men fancy other men'. A Grapevine member who has learning difficulties saw a fax of it and then came out to the Grapevine manager. If he hadn't seen that drawing, something that told him that the manager might be okay about homosexuality, he would probably never have told anyone there.
When we spoke at the roadshow to other local day centre staff about the possibility of a support group for men they were nervous about discussing homosexuality and would quote Section 28, they were sure that there were 'no gays' at their centres and quite sure they would have real difficulties with carers and parents. Some were honest and said they had a problem with gay people. Their honesty was very welcome and they were not 'shot down'. Honesty is the first step to exploring further where these prejudices come from and how they are continually fed.
These are real difficulties and work needs to begin with staff to enable them to explore their fears, both personal and professional if they are to be able to offer an equal service to all users. We have plans to begin work with managers of centres as a first step.
Men are having sex in toilets with other men and men have reported their activities to us. If men are hiding their sexual lives from staff they may well be putting themselves at risk of HIV, and other sexually transmitted infections.
Although our first attempt was not a success, there was one good outcome from the publicity. Some men with mild learning difficulties are regular visitors to our Saturday afternoon gay men's group where they have made friends and can learn form their gay peers. They are given the same guidelines as all men who come- that it is a social group and not somewhere to 'pick up' sexual partners. Generally peer support, friendship and acceptance is what men want.
Staff need to look at their own prejudices and work on them. No member of staff can say 'there are no gays at our centre', because they don't know.
Their own silence about the existence of gay people is in turn silencing men and women who have same sex sexual desires.
No-one wants to be rejected so we need to begin actively creating positive images that tell everyone that it's okay to be gay and there are people who will talk to you about it, support you and accept you. As a young gay teenager I know that if my doctor's surgery had put a postcard on the wall with two men just looking at each other affectionately I would have seen it amongst all the hundreds of other pictures. I was searching everywhere for affirmation from someone, just as that man was when he saw a simple drawing of two men with their arms around each other.
We would be interested to hear of other people's experiences and suggestions for ways forward. We know there is good work being done in Bristol and are interested in other projects."
John Toman, Terrence Higgins Trust, Coventry (john.toman@thtmidlands.org.uk)
Clare Wightman, Coventry Grapevine (grapevine.the@talk21.com)
"I was very pleased to read the article 'Learning to love safely'. There are frequently barriers to same sex relationships and love for a whole host of reasons, some of which are highlighted in the article. Not least of these are ignorance, prejudice (both personal and cultural) and the tendency to overlook individual need and see just a category e.g. learning disability, mental illness and other disabilities.
As to the question posed 'should gay men with learning disability be allowed to have sex and offered support' the answer has to be a 'yes' but a qualified 'yes'. The article, which I thought was very good, balances well the need to combine learning about both sex and relationships. The question itself, on the other hand, suggests that all that is needed is to 'support' gay men with learning difficulties in having safe sex. It is important to define the support aspect more clearly. I think there must be a variety of approaches here. At one level this may be information. As the article says some people will cottage in public toilets no matter what and the risks involved need discussion. At another level discussion about same sex loving relationships - with or without sex - must be part of what constitutes support. Combining learning about sex and relationships might diminish the need to find sex in public places in the longer run for some. For others such learning may allow an opportunity to begin a sexual/emotional life for the first time.
None of this can happen without cultural change, too. It is not just learning for the user/carer/ the agency. As the article says, the gay community itself needs to look to its laurels, and make some changes in terms of acceptance as well as the wider heterosexual community."
Peter R. Fowler
Senior Lecturer Applied Community Studies
University of Wales Institute, Cardiff
