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Graham Hopkins scours the job ads to illustrate the dangers of unclear meanings and missing letters.

Good social care writing is simply this: that your reader understands what you say, in the way you meant it to be understood, at the first time of asking. The Write Stuff, as you know, is dedicated to this noble pursuit. However, sometimes in the sludge of social care writing there is the occasional beautiful, but unintentional, nugget.

Scouring job ads (don't act the innocent) can provide rich pickings. Just last month social care consultant Roy Grimwood spotted Barnet's ad for an "anti-social behaviour co-ordinator". As he says, the council may be taking its slogan ("creating opportunity for all") too seriously or misunderstanding the aims of social inclusion. It recalls those "adult abuse procedures", which sound like "how to" guides. Similarly, North Lincolnshire's claim that "We are operating a repeat victimisation scheme" must unduly worry sufferers.

I'd be a shoe-in for the "healthcare team foot health gain facilitator" post, but being over six foot probably disqualifies me from Greenwich's search for a "small homes manager". And it is reassuring to know that London & Quadrant operates "a non-smoking police".

Technology may try to dump tpying eroors into the deleted bins of history. But beware: those spellchecks bounce. One missed letter gives us "Staff have the opportunity to meet on an individual bass with their manager" (Stockport); "wok related issues" and "a good way of encouraging elf-esteem" (Barking & Dagenham). A missing "call" in Suffolk leaves: "If you have any queries in relation to this letter please me on 6446".

Anglia Polytechnic University's Clare Seymour issues two more spellcheck warnings: "The blank faces of the staff offered a shared massage"; and "Social workers should be able to address the court effectively when meditating in disputes". An anonymous correspondent tells of a transcript of a meeting where a young offender, a candidate for IT (intermediate treatment), became "a candidate for high tea".

Similarly, Hilary Grime, sensory impairment team, Oxfordshire, noticed that her temp "changed the anatomical reference" when instead of "arm's length service" she typed "arse length service". A leaflet for people leaving hospital was called "You and your discharge".

Carolyn Minkes from Cheshire tells of a client being "mentally retired", and of one who thought her husband was going to hospital to be treated with DDT (she meant ECT). Still, there'll be no flies on him. Others include invalidity benefit being referred to as infertility or infidelity benefit, and the case note: "Throughout the interview, Raymond sat in the corner, looking succulent". They meant "truculent". Keep them coming.

Signs of the times

We regret the closure of this public toilet. Please use the street.

Brighton & Hove

Poole Library will be closed for a week to make access easier for disabled people.

Contributions welcome. Please send them to graham.hopkins@rbi.co.uk  

Overspent

"…the identification of the level and nature of mainstream spend in local areas by local authorities and other statutory agencies - and the subsequent use of this information to develop and deliver the services that a community demands, potentially through the vehicle of locally based partnership structures and on principles of community engagement, social inclusion and equality."

From a Scottish executive consultation paper. Thanks to Adam Palmer

Please send in examples of jargon, gobbledygook and management-speak to graham.hopkins@rbi.co.uk