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Despite more acceptance of gay people in today’s society, teenagers still face bullying from their peers, reports Anita Pati.

Jay was only 13 when his family decided to "pray the gay away". The church minister exorcised him under a mango tree in his Caribbean island home.

"They were saying ‘Get down on your knees children, pray the gay away, get it out.’ All I can remember was smelling the mangos, the coconuts, these wonderful aromas and the breeze and the heat. It was funny ’cos I wasn’t paying any attention to my family who were all in a frenzy, all around praying for me. They were laying on their hands, throwing water to get the gay demons out of me. And that’s where I met my first guy friend, Carmillius. It’s ironic."

Jay now lives in north London with his mother and brother. He is chatty, ebullient and mature way beyond his 16 years. Apart from training in gospel singing, he is studying for his AS-levels. "College is the easiest place to be, then home, then church." He is comfortably out only at college, while being a Christian has been a furious struggle for him. "I embrace both my Christianity and being gay. But I have to come to terms with both together. I behave differently at church. I restrict myself and try to act straight.

"I’m very religious, which is difficult. Religion causes you to strive to be perfect and to see the faults in yourself. I’ve been taught that homosexuality is a fault. I get sad, because to me being gay is natural. I get angry with God sometimes: ‘You made me this way - isn’t this natural?’"

He was badly bullied at primary school back in the Caribbean. "I was quite flamboyant and feminine. They used to call me ‘malmama’ - that’s offensive in patois." They would throw stones at him. At just 10, he tried to kill himself. At 11, he stopped talking for two years. "I built up this incredibly huge wall. First there was the bullying, then my feeling bad about myself, so I decided to do something about it and I shut everything out." He is learning to cope with his earlier trauma. Jay’s mother now acknowledges his sexuality but still hopes he will one day become straight.

Lauren, aged 17, has just left the college she started only months ago: "I really didn’t like it, mostly because I didn’t feel I could come out there.

"The environment felt homophobic. I’d only just come out to my friends so things were still quite raw. I saw a counsellor there but she made it worse. She was trying to tell me that I was gay because I’d been having a relationship with my dad."

Lauren had always been attracted to women, but "didn’t have any label to put on it. I knew of the word lesbian, but the images I had didn’t feel like me at the time. I thought lesbians were old, butch, white feminists. It was nothing that I felt related to my life"

Her family accepts her sexuality: "I’ve been quite lucky in that respect." It was Lauren’s girls’ school, rather than her family, that she feels failed her because it never addressed sexuality directly.

At 15, she had a relationship, which she describes as a "tight, souly friendship". "But it didn’t have any structure as a relationship because we didn’t have anything to base it on. It felt natural but it didn’t look normal. Nobody knew about it.

"There were always posters around about racist bullying but because you never saw anything about gay issues, you were never sure about who you could or couldn’t approach. There were two lesbians who worked in the school but one left because she was treated so badly by her classes."

Angela has been coming to the Girl Diva lesbian youth group in north London for two years, since she was 16. "My intention was to meet people my own age. As I started coming here more I started going out to bars and clubs more. I’ve met so many different people socially."

However, like many, her younger years were fraught with difficulties. "I was bullied at school between ages 12 and 14. That

wasn’t about my sexuality though, that was about my appearance because I was a tomboy. You know, not wearing skirts, being butch and boyish. People would basically beat me up. I used to tell the teachers but nothing was done. Ever since I was five years old, I liked climbing up trees and my hair was always in short plaits. I’ve never changed.

"My parents told the teachers about the bullying but nothing was done. I really don’t know why. I didn’t want to fight back because I didn’t want to get kicked out of school. There were two boys who were six foot tall and about four years above me, so I couldn’t fight back even if I wanted to."

She didn’t know about youth groups for lesbians then. "I didn’t have any friends because I was being bullied so badly.

"I was at sixth form college when I first started coming to the youth group. I’d just come out to all my friends there. It was quite a shock how open-minded my college was - everyone had their suspicions and people were supportive. And it was a big burden lifted."

What matters the most to them? For Lauren, those in authority should take greater notice: "People would find it so much easier to come out if there was more gay information in schools. Politicians and social workers - they always talk about gay issues like they aren’t a part of their life. Everything that happens in the same community is going to affect them in some way or another." For Angela unwavering self-belief is vital: "What I was never told was to just be myself, because in the end you’ll just find who you are."

Jay says: "I want people to remember that the littlest things that they say or do can really mean a lot to other people." He wants to pay tribute to his first love, Carmillius. "Carmillius wasn’t out to anyone. We got in an argument about homosexuality. I hadn’t told him that I was leaving the Antilles islands." Carmillius was later found dead, something for which Jay blames himself. "If we hadn’t argued, would he still be alive? It’s not just a matter of being gay or white or black, anything you say can affect people’s lives. He was a very sentimental kind of guy. Maybe he couldn’t exist in this world the way it was."