News

I can still recollect the day I made a conscious decision to embrace my ever-evolving eating disorder: it was New Year's Eve 1997. Somehow I had become enmeshed in a web of self-destruction. Two months later my weight had plummeted to 5 stone 9lb and I was admitted to hospital. I spent four weeks on a children's ward, on strict bed rest, fed six times a day, and monitored constantly by intimidating nurses.

I was released in April 1998 a stone heavier. I was 14 years old. I was taken straight to the local children's home feeling self-conscious and in despair about my body image. For the first month I was alienated and became withdrawn. The residential social workers' knowledge and understanding of eating disorders were limited.


Being among the other residents compounded my anxiety. At least 75 per cent of the young people displayed challenging behaviour and food would often be hurled across the room and spat out. Outwardly, I appeared emotionally unscathed despite the mealtime commotion. Inwardly I was completely despondent and could no longer find the strength to starve myself; food was the only constant element in my life. It was at this stage, nearly one year later, that bulimia reared its ugly head - my escapism repackaged. I would disappear to the toilet after every meal to vomit. Initially, the sense of relief afterwards was pleasantly overwhelming.

The volume of food I consumed increased daily until I was eating as much as 5,000 calories a day and regurgitating. My life was being dictated by a culture of secrecy. As my weight increased, Irealised that vomiting was failing me. So I started taking 20 double strength laxatives a day. I had eroding teeth, dehydration and constipation. Quashing the eating disorder seemed impossible. I no longer possessed the mental energy to cover my tracks and the residential social workers acknowledged the severity of my illness. They were highly supportive and suggested that I seek advice from the mental health team. I surrendered and accepted the fact that I needed help.


I felt insecure and alarmed by the mental health professionals' approach. They explained that I was now a recipient of an adult service and I was allowed to have free rein over my therapy and care plan. At times the prospect of taking control was frightening but both the social and mental health professionals remained patient, even when I attempted - frequently - to abandon the service.

Leaving the care home at 18, I struggled to cope with independent living on top of my disorder and decided to undertake intensive therapy at an in-patient unit called Kimmeridge Court. The staff had a no holds barred approach and tackled the root of my eating disorder and put me on the road to problem-solving and recovery.

The eating disorder has limited my opportunities, destroyed my friendships and continues to be an unyielding trespasser in my life. To this day I continue to struggle, sometimes sinking and sometimes swimming, but ultimately I am winning.

Heidi Emma Osborne is from Dorset and was formerly in care.