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I will beat the bullies

Posted: 15 April 2004 | Subscribe Online


The other week I stopped a bloke from throwing himself in the River Thames. I didn't know him but I could see what he was up to. I've been in the same situation myself. We had a chat and it turned out he was in rent arrears. So I took him to the rent office and asked them to sort him out. I wouldn't want anyone to do that to themselves. There's always an answer; sometimes you need a bit of help finding it.

I used to be a happy soul. I had a job on the Underground and a place of my own but I lost it all because of drugs. People say drug addiction is an illness but it's not. It's a cry for help. All my life I've been pushed around and rejected. I was bullied every day at school. They used to send me to the back of the class and call me "dunce". I ended up in borstal and that was far worse because they sent me to a hospital where one of the staff sexually assaulted me. When you're taking drugs it's like you're punishing yourself. The last time I took crack was at Christmas when I was all alone.
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I live in supported housing now with Carr-Gomm. It's a shared house so I mix with other people but I have my own kitchen and I can cook whenever I want. When I first moved in, they showed me around this skills centre called Cafe Orange. I kept tutting under my breath because I thought they were being a bit pushy. They asked me if I wanted to do a course working in the kitchen. I didn't really fancy it but I gave it a go. When I first started I was very nervous and I didn't talk to anyone, but I'm glad I did it. I used to bung meals in the microwave; now I can cook them all from scratch. I buy fresh veg from the market and maybe make a nice soup. When it comes out right you feel like you've really achieved something.

I'm doing a bit of voluntary work helping the senior citizens at the local missionary centre. I make tea, cook meals and give them a hand with the transport. When I'm feeling glum I have a bit of a singsong with the old girls and it makes me feel better. Work experience is important because it helps to build your confidence. When you start a new job you're frightened that you might get everything wrong and I don't want to do that.
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There's a greasy spoon caf' near where I go to work. The owner says he'll give me a job when I get a place of my own. I've got my certificates in food hygiene and customer care but I'm not ready yet. You can't put too much pressure on yourself or you might go downhill again.

I like having one-to-ones with my project worker and doing classes at the cafe. It all keeps you moving up the ladder. I'll know when I've reached the top because I'll be doing everything for myself and have a space of my own again. I've got a brain and I want to use it. I want to prove the bullies wrong. I know I can do it; I just need a bit of help.

Terry Millett is a supported housing tenant with Carr-Gomm and a trainee at the Cafe Orange skills centre and community cafe.


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