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Mother Courage

Posted: 12 November 2004 | Subscribe Online


Things seem to be looking up a bit. A new senior teacher at James’s school seems, at last, to be taking the problems he is having with name-calling seriously. And the name-calling, while it hasn’t gone away, hasn’t been as bad as it was.

So, James is pleased about that and, in any case, he has been busy waging war on another front this month – his personal crusade for independence. He has been desperate to be allowed to go to our local recreation ground (which is two minutes from home) on his own.

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We have stood firm against this request marshalling the usual parental argument that at eight he was too young. This cuts no ice with him and with another birthday behind him he has redoubled his efforts. "The other children in my class are allowed"; "Grandad lets me go when he looks after me" (he does? First I knew about it); "It’s not fair"; "I’ll be careful – you can time me"; "You are mean, horrible parents", and, "You were allowed out on your own when you were my age (which I was)" are all familiar refrains.

Eventually he wore me down and, last weekend made his first solo trip to the park – just for half an hour – and came back completely elated. The following day I was out visiting a friend and came back to find that James had persuaded his dad to let him visit the park again. This time, however, he and the group of boys he was with were approached by a group of older boys who told them that if they didn’t hand over their money and mobile phones, they would beat them up.

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James hasn’t got a mobile phone, but he handed over £1 that he had in his pocket. The police were called and came to talk to James (which he quite enjoyed) and he doesn’t seem to have suffered any ill-effects. I, on the other hand, feel I should have a t-shirt with the words "unfit parent" emblazoned on it.

James is undeterred and is worried that this incident will mean he won’t be allowed out again. "The thing is, mum," he told me solemnly, "even though I’m only nine, I feel older and I can look after myself."

He can’t of course, but how can he learn if we don’t allow him any freedom? Then again, is nine too young to be allowed to go to the local swings for half an hour? Answers on a postcard please…

 



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