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Helen Keville is a family mediator with Mediation in Divorce in Twickenham, Greater London. Qualifying as a family mediator in 2000 brought together her interests in family work and facilitation.  She has 21 years' experience working in social services departments as a social worker and training manager.

The government's determination to divert most child contact disputes from court was emphasised earlier this year with the publication of a green paper outlining measures to support more parents in reaching informal contact arrangements with each other.(1) Recognising family mediation's role in resolving disputes, the proposals include a review of judicial rules so "the strongest possible encouragement is given to parties to agree to mediation".(2)

Family mediation offers a realistic alternative to the adversarial approach of the law: a private, confidential forum where parents can negotiate with each other about residence and contact arrangements for their children, and reach a financial settlement covering the family's needs.

The UK College of Family Mediators defines family mediation as a process where an impartial third party helps those involved in family breakdown "to communicate better with each other and reach their own agreed and informed decisions concerningÉchildren, property or finance". The potential contribution of family mediation to divorce settlements in the UK was recognised in the Family Law Act 1996. A key principle of the legislation was that marriage should be brought to an end "with the minimum distress to the parents and children concerned, focusing on promoting as good a continuing relationship as possible". This principle is developed in the green paper with its use of a framework that states "a child's welfare is best promoted by a continuing relationship with both parents, as long as it is safe to do so".(3)

It is estimated that 28 per cent of children will be affected by divorce by the time they are 16.(4) Family mediation places the needs of children at the centre of the plans parents make when they separate. Relationship breakdown often results in poor communication, with former partners locked in a downward spiral of anger, hurt and mistrust. Factors such as substance misuse, mental health problems and debt intensify the stress they experience. Family mediators are facilitators who create a calm, non-judgemental environment. They use their neutrality to encourage former partners to rethink their perspectives and plan how they will work together as parents.

Each former partner must be an equal, voluntary participant. The process starts with each person speaking confidentially to the mediator to describe events from their own viewpoint. To create a safe environment, the mediator uses the initial meeting to find out whether there is a history of domestic violence or entrenched patterns of intimidation that would prevent one partner expressing their needs in front of the other. The mediator must also assess whether either partner is affected by a disability, language difficulties or mental health problems.

The mediator aims to manage the sessions in a way that encourages each ex-partner to feel an equal participant in a safe process. This can include arranging interpreters, signers and other supports. But mediation is not always suitable. If patterns of intimidation or the consequences of mental or physical disability disadvantage one of the partners, the mediator will end the work, allowing referral to alternative services early in the process.

The mediator's main goal is to promote constructive communication between parents. Ground rules may be introduced so that ex-partners take turns to speak and listen to each other and permit the mediator to intervene when conflict and blame take discussion away from its objectives. Mediators provide a framework by prompting ex-partners to think about the joint plans they need to make for their children, or guiding them through the financial information they need to disclose. They encourage parents to develop and evaluate different options until they find the solution that is most suitable for themselves and their circumstances.

Family mediation allows ex-partners to negotiate directly with each other, but it is not a substitute for expert legal advice. People in mediation are always encouraged to seek legal advice so that they are aware of their rights and can judge what they have negotiated. The most common agreements reached by parents in mediation are called parenting plans for child-only issues, or a memorandum of understanding when the agreement includes a financial settlement as well. These can be made legally binding by a solicitor.

An Office of National Statistics survey has suggested that, where contact arrangements did not involve the courts, nearly 90 per cent of non-resident and 80 per cent of resident parents were satisfied with the arrangements.5 Research supports the view that, if parental separation is handled well, any adverse impact on children can be minimised.6 Former partners who reach agreements through family mediation remain in control of the decision-making about their family's future. Most importantly, they have a chance to find their own solutions to the dilemmas of fairness and justice faced by all separating couples.

CASE STUDY:

Jenny and Anthony*, both 22, came to mediation following Anthony's release from prison after serving three years for arson and criminal damage. They had sons, aged four and three, but their relationship was stormy due to Anthony's heroin addiction.

While Anthony was in prison, he accepted treatment for his addiction and was discharged to a drug rehabilitation programme. Jenny had started a new relationship and had given birth to a daughter. They no longer wanted to be a couple, but Anthony said he had "grown up" in prison. He had undergone counselling to face up to the causes of his addiction and now wanted be a better father to his sons.

Jenny was willing to try mediation, because she thought it was important for her children to have contact with their father, but she was concerned that Anthony would take them to places where drugs were being used.

With a mediator facilitating communication, this did not lead to an argument as in the past. Instead it gave Jenny a chance to listen to Anthony as he described the support he had in his rehabilitation programme to help him stay away from other drug users and establish a new lifestyle.

Prompted by the mediator, they recognised that the boys needed time to get to know a father they could not remember. They drew up a parenting plan, which started with Anthony taking the boys on short, regular outings to the park, accompanied initially by Jenny. Once they were familiar with him, he planned to take them to an aunt's house nearby for a few hours. Overnight stays would not be an option for several months as Anthony was living in a hostel and they intended to discuss this in mediation later.

In the plan, they decided how they would communicate with each other about the arrangements for contact without intruding unreasonably on each other's lives and what safeguards they had if either of them did not keep to the agreement.

* Not their real names

ABSTRACT

With the recent publication of a green paper proposing measures to promote a non-adversarial approach to resolving contact disputes, this article considers the role of family mediation. It describes how parents can engage safely in the mediation process and the strategies used by mediators to improve communication between separated parents. It concludes by explaining the likely outcomes of mediation for children and parents.

REFERENCES

1. HM Government, Parental Separation: Children's Needs and Parents' Responsibilities.  Available from www.dfes.gov.uk/childrensneeds.  Consultation closed 1 November 2004
2. HM Government, as above, p24
3. HM Government, as above, p7
4. The Department for Constitutional Affairs, The Government's Response to the Children Act Sub-committee (CASC) Report "Making Contact Work", p2, 2004. Available from www.dca.gov.uk
5. The Department for Constitutional Affairs, op. cit., p3
6. See for example Carol Smart, and Bren Neale, Post Divorce Childhoods: Perspectives from Children, 2000, Centre for Research on Family, Kinship and Childhood, University of Leeds

FURTHER INFORMATION

UK College of Family Mediators: www.ukcfm.co.uk

National Family Mediation: www.nfm.u-net.com (England and Wales) or www.familymediationscotland.org.uk (Scotland)

Family Mediators' Association: www.fmassoc.co.uk

Joseph Rowntree Foundation: www.jrf.org.uk.  Findings include research into the effectiveness of mediation and the impact of separation on children.

CONTACT THE AUTHOR

admin@mediationindivorce.co.uk

BOXTEXT: Helen Keville
is a family mediator with Mediation in Divorce in Twickenham, Greater London. Qualifying as a family mediator in 2000 brought together her interests in family work and facilitation. She has 21 years' experience working in social services departments as a social worker and training manager