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Education secretary Ruth Kelly's speech about zero tolerance of disruptive behaviour in school once again places most of the blame on parents. Of course, everyone wants children to be able to learn in school, and for schools to have clear and effective behaviour policies.  But challenging and disruptive behaviour is a sign by children and young people of their deep unhappiness and difficulty, and so needs careful handling.  There are no quick fixes. 

Parentline Plus hears from thousands of parents every month, almost half of them ringing about concerns over their teenagers' behaviour.  It is quite clear from all our work with parents that they are desperate for help and support and struggling with long term and entrenched difficulties.  It is also clear that when children and young people are behaving badly in school, their behaviour is even more challenging at home - parents tell us about very high levels of conflict, violence, drug and alcohol misuse and threats of running away.  Analysis of calls to our helpline concerning truancy showed that parents were desperate for help and were quite unable to find any.

Many families known to the education system, whose child has a record of poor behaviour or truanting, are living in very difficult circumstances with multiple problems. After years of failing to find appropriate support, parents are often wary of any statutory programmes.  It is very sad that all that is now on offer is Parenting Orders and Contracts and the threat of imprisonment and fines.  Parentline Plus works with many parents on Parenting Orders from Youth Offending Teams - all of them have been asking for help for years, but have never been eligible - their children's problems not deemed severe enough.  'Every Child Matters' envisages a much greater emphasis on early intervention - we very much hope this will become a reality, but until it is, the focus should be on how parents can be supported instead of blamed.  Threats from the government can actually exacerbate conflict in the family, and so contributes further to the families' difficulties and to their alienation from agencies that are seen to be official. This does not help children, or schools. 

Current policy also makes it difficult for schools to respond effectively.  Schools are faced with contradictory demands. The pressures of league tables can over-shadow their ability, with limited resources, to deal effectively with pupils and their parents who are disruptive in class.  'Every Child Matters' emphasises the importance of supporting parents to raise their children to achieve good outcomes.  And of course achieving at school is crucial to these.  Support is however about valuing and acknowledging the work that parents do, and is not about threats and blame.  Of course clear boundaries need to be set - and disruptive behaviour is not acceptable - but the child who is disruptive needs understanding, and their parents need support to help to support that child. 

The emphasis on placing the responsibility firmly with parents needs to be contextualised - teenagers are subject to peer pressure, they have minds of their own. Indeed Government has acknowledged this by setting up a Children and Young People's Board to support the implementation of 'Every Child Matters'.  If young people can have a voice in national policy why can't they have a voice in schools' policies?  And why are their parents held totally responsible for their actions when we know that young people have their own views?  This unrealistic and contradictory view of the role of parents, which unfairly emphasises their failings, can only service to further isolate parents who are struggling and trying their best. 

Assumptions are made about 'bad parenting' to suggest that parents do not care, but if the critics took a look at the whole picture they would see that the vast majority of parents are doing the best they can; often in the face of enormous challenges and significant social changes. If we are serious about improving outcomes for children and young people, we need to invest much more in supporting their parents and the wider extended family who are so important in caring for children.

Dorit Braun is chief executive of Parentline Plus.