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Lee Moore is a non-practising barrister. She is the founder and former president of the Association of Child Abuse Lawyers 1997-2004. She is the managing director of Lee Moore & Co, which provides consultancy services and training for professionals who work with victims of historic sexual and ritualistic crimes.

The essence of our humanity is love yet this is denied by most child protection professionals who judge the children and adults who have been victims of crimes committed in a satanic context as not worthy of compassion. This has been my experience. When seeking to share my insights and understanding of having been ritually abused during childhood I find, on occasion, that there are always those who hear what I say and in whom it creates a greater fear. I become a threat, have to be attacked and my voice denied by a myriad of methods in silencing.

These are familiar dynamics to me for I was raised by individuals who practised satanic rituals, which entailed the killing, torture and sacrifice of human and animal life. Silence was crucial to avoid criminal convictions.

I have no proof of my experiences. I have no witnesses to the atrocities I suffered, save for the perpetrators who will never disclose and children who were tortured with me. Some of those children are now dead. Others do not enquire into the reasons for their troubled and joyless lives. They may be dissociated; were they able to recall the nightmare, they would probably be re-traumatised by lawyers focused on winning, not truth. Independent, credible bystanders competent to provide and present cogent written and oral evidence and trained to survive the rigours of cross-examination are not invited to attend ceremonies where ritualistic crimes are committed.

So there was no one there to help me on the numerous occasions when, as a child, my ankles were tied with rope and I was hung upside down from large hooks; nor when I was compelled to ingest bodily fluids and substances and forced to take part in acts of bestiality; nor to release me when I was buried alive in coffins with snakes slithering over me.

I was unable to disclose the nightmare of my childhood because I dissociated. My mind "forgot" that which was unbearable. Accordingly, I silenced myself for decades. It was the only way I could survive the horrors of systematic oral, anal, vaginal rape and terror, inflicted on me and other defenceless children and animals by multiple male and female perpetrators. I was also given injections, which caused me to lose consciousness before being taken to places where these events occurred. Upon gaining consciousness drugs were used as muscle relaxants to render resistance impossible.

One conscious memory always remained of me being held over someone's knees. My consciousness hovered above my body. Looking down, I saw four black stars painted on my exposed buttocks. I was given an injection, which induced sleep. I sought explanations for this memory, which was attributed to an overactive imagination by a psychiatrist who saw me for depression at the age of 10.

Pills were prescribed for my symptoms but the cause was never dealt with. The professionals were not trained to recognise and work effectively with children experiencing ritualistic crimes. I descended further into mental illness and addictions.

My adult life was littered with broken and unhappy relationships, depressions and suicide attempts. The family doctor always prescribed the tranquillisers and antidepressants I craved. I married and became a battered wife.

My life was chaos. I did not understand why I was not "normal." The breakthrough came when I succumbed to a nervous breakdown and admitted myself to a psychiatric clinic 17 years ago.

I thought because I was paying £120 an hour to a psychiatrist with a Harley Street address she would know how to treat me. She did not. I was only able to heal as far as her belief system and training would allow. It was never suggested that I had been abused in childhood. I asked for hypnosis to understand the memory of the black stars on my buttocks but as the session started I was overwhelmed with a sense of terror and refused to continue.

At first, I followed a spiritual path to healing through a twelve-step programme. It provided tools enabling me to manage life more effectively. In between the erratic release of my addictions I became aware of my feelings, which had been frozen in childhood. As I became emotionally competent the chaos of my life dissolved. I began to live my life more effectively.

During my third year of therapy I watched a TV programme about ritual abuse, which precipitated flashbacks to the stars on my buttocks. I curled up on the floor in a foetal ball, shaking with terror, unable to speak because my teeth were chattering so much. For three days, I was assailed by flashbacks, images of flayed bodies, crucifixion and mutilation. I was in the grip of such terror that I re-admitted myself to hospital.

I did not want therapy - I just wanted to feel safe. Memories flooded my mind. Painful body and foul olfactory memories accompanied by emotions appropriate to the horrors I was reliving, convinced me of the authenticity of my recollections. I wondered if I was truly mad when memories surfaced of torture by the GP who had prescribed my drugs for decades. He had come to the hospital most days and had written to me since childhood.

I confronted him but was not well enough to consider taping our encounter. He admitted the abuse and said "you must not forget Lee, most children find it very pleasurable".

I wanted to file a complaint with the police and the General Medical Council but did not. The perpetrators were respectable and credible. I was not. My recollections were too bizarre, besides who would believe an addict in psychiatric care? My health was also too fragile to risk legal proceedings. I felt distressed colluding with the abuse of children by remaining silent. My psychiatrist recommended I burn the letters the GP had sent me to symbolise "letting go" of the past. I did so and accordingly destroyed evidence of triggers used for mind control.


Years later, I requested my medical records. As the GP was head of the group, there is no evidence of the sequelae of abuse save for the referral to the psychiatrist when I was 10; a hospital admission for a suicide attempt at 17 and a social services note confirming that there was "nothing of concern" to investigate. Another opportunity for intervention, healing and protection was lost.

Following a threat to sue her and witnessing a death threat to me, the psychiatrist said she did not believe me and subsequently refused to give me her notes. I ceased therapy. This compelled me to look outside the box of conventional beliefs and explore ways to effectively release and deal with the occult aspects of ritual abuse.

I experienced triggers, reminders of abuse and welcomed these as opportunities for healing for they enabled me to access and release painful memories. The worst memories came when I was strong enough to deal with them.

For years, shame silenced me together with a need to protect listeners from the horrific details. I wanted my experiences to benefit others and to put in place what had not been there for me as a child. I realised that my unique knowledge could inform professional practice.

I founded The Association of Child Abuse Lawyers. During my presidency, the association was contacted on at least 80 occasions over a seven-year period regarding alleged ritual abuse cases. Some resulted in referrals; however, most clients were too ill, too intimidated or did not have sufficient evidence to continue. But lawyers were willing to act for them.

I met other professionals who had clients alleging ritual abuse but did nothing to raise social or political awareness. The few pioneers who try to get recognition for the desperate plight of the victims were and still are targeted, traduced, intimidated, threatened with legal action or sued into surrender.

I learned through therapists, rape crisis centres, lawyers and police officers, that throughout the country and abroad there were [and still are] young children and vulnerable adults who give factual accounts similar to mine. Either we are conspiring by unconscious telepathy or our disclosures are unbearably true.

The evidence is there but total willingness to deal with this issue is not. Accordingly, most professionals have no conceptual framework that would allow them to identify, evaluate and respond appropriately to victims' accounts. Evidence is being lost or ignored and more victims are being created. There are no treatment plans or investigative models; no guidelines for good practice, no comprehension of occult crime and its impact on victims and professionals, nor protocols for remaining safe.

The walls of denial are now being breached. I am regularly contacted for advice by police officers, psychiatrists, doctors and lawyers who feel de-skilled when working with clients alleging ritual abuse. Most professionals appear to be traumatised by what they have heard and allow boundaries to melt in the horror of trying to help those who are presently helpless.

Ritualistic crimes are an emerging issue. Last year the BBC broadcast the award-winning drama May 33rd, which highlighted the plight of a ritual abuse victim. The Metropolitan Police's child abuse investigation command recently commissioned me to design and present a one-day introductory course on ritual and satanic ritual abuse, which was well received. I am presenting on the issue again at a child protection seminar in London later this month.

There is an urgent need for comprehensive research and training to provide professionals with the essential skills and knowledge to enable them to work more effectively with victims; professional alliances need to be formed and a central database kept to collate intelligence and to determine incident rates. A dialogue needs to be opened with the victims and their supporters to determine and respond to victim needs.

Until such resources and services are in place, fear of occult-related crime will remain greater than integrity. Victims will continue to suffer and die until we create the opportunity for them to have "Proof of their Truth."
At least grant them the courtesy of your curiosity. Are you willing to do so?

Abstract
This article challenges the claim that ritual abuse does not exist. It is a first-hand account outlining the author's experience of having been ritually abused during childhood. It explores the issues that arise for victims and professionals and offers practical solutions for the future. It provides a unique perspective for professionals who work in the field of child protection and mental health.

Contact the author
By e-mail at info@leemoore.biz