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Thirty years since the right of adopted people to trace their birth relatives was established, the Adoption and Children Act 2002 will be implemented at the end of this year to complete the adoption triangle. It's been a long struggle to give birth parents the legal right to an intermediary service so that, once the child they gave up for adoption reaches 18, they can make contact with their son or daughter. But will birth parents approach the services to take up this opportunity? Our research suggests that this may not be the case.(1)

We looked at birth and adoptive parents' experiences of adoption, search and reunion. Although most birth mothers in the study longed to hear from their child, a significant number felt they had lost the right to initiate contact. Some felt it should be left to the adopted adult to get in touch. Others said they would not want to make contact for fear that their adopted son or daughter would reject them.

This may have important implications for adopted people who believe that, now the law has changed, they will automatically be hearing from birth parents. They may well be left feeling disappointed and rejected because they assume that, if the birth parent does not initiate contact, it means they do not want to hear from them. In fact, the study showed that 94 per cent of birth mothers were pleased that their son or daughter had made the move.

Although there have been several studies about adopted people's experience of adoption, search and reunion,(2), (3) until now little was known about the experiences of the other key players: adoptive parents and birth parents.

One of the primary objectives of this Nuffield-funded study was specifically to look at their experience and outcomes. Information was gathered, using a large-scale detailed postal questionnaire, from 93 birth mothers, 93 adoptive parents and 126 adopted people. The sample included searching and non-searching adopted people, birth mothers who were contacted by the adopted person, as well as birth mothers who initiated contact through the adoption agency. Fifteen birth fathers also participated. The sample in this study represents adoptions before 1975, involving children mostly younger than 18 months.

For 90 per cent of participants the contact and reunion had been a happy and satisfying experience. The study showed that the contact and reunion stood the test of time over an average of eight years. Seventy per cent were still in face-to-face contact and 86 per cent were still in indirect contact with their son or daughter. Searching birth mothers (where they had contacted the adopted person using an intermediary service) were more likely to lose contact at the initiative of the adopted person.

Although losing contact was disappointing and painful, many of these birth mothers reported that they had already gained a lot from knowing that their son or daughter was well and happy. They also relieved much of the guilt through having the chance to explain the reasons why they felt they had had no choice but to place their child for adoption.

As Ruth* says: "I was 16 when Andrew* was born in 1960. My parents put me in a mother and baby home where I remained for six weeks after Andrew's birth. During that time I fed and nurtured him and was absolutely devastated to part with him, but I really had no choice. My parents did not want to support me and in those days there was huge stigma attached to being an unmarried mother and no financial support.

"A day never went by without me thinking of him. When Andrew was 30 years old I contacted the adoption agency. It agreed to act as an intermediary and contacted Andrew to see if he wanted contact with me. He was shocked to hear from me but pleased and we got on well for the first four years but then Andrew told me he was finding it hard to keep in contact as it made him feel guilty. He did not want his adoptive parents to be hurt so he ended our relationship. I was deeply saddened by this but at least he knows that I have always loved him and that the adoption decision was really not my choice."

So how do the adoptive parents feel about the search and reunion? Do they feel marginalised? Popular perception is often that adoptive parents are likely to feel threatened by their son or daughter's desire to search for background information or birth relatives, but the study showed that in fact most understood and three-quarters supported the search. They could fully appreciate their child's curiosity and why they wanted to know the answers to questions such as "who do I look like?" and "why was I adopted?" .


As Esther* says: "It was no surprise to us when she told us she wanted to search for her birth mother. She discussed it with us before she started making contact and went ahead with our blessing. I always said I would help her if ever she wanted to trace her family."

However, being supportive and understanding did not necessarily mean that adoptive parents did not feel anxious or concerned. Some reported being worried that their child could be hurt in the process, particularly if the birth parent refused contact. They also feared that their relationship with their son or daughter could change or that they may lose their relationship to the newly-found birth parent, although these fears rarely materialised.

"Concerns that he [adoptive son] would leave us were groundless," says Mike*, an adoptive father. "He is even more sure he is 'ours' after the experience. We are happy that he has at last met his birth mother and made a friend of her."

Sixty-five per cent of adoptive parents reported that contact had had no effect on the relationship they had with their sons and daughters, and 22 per cent stated that their relationship had been enhanced. In many respects the search and contact had helped them to be more open with one another and brought them closer.

The study found that for the great majority of all parties, the experience of contact and reunion was positive and satisfying, particularly for birth mothers. Adopted people, birth parents and adoptive parents were all eager to acknowledge the importance of each person. Birth parents were keen not to usurp the adoptive parents' role and place in the adopted person's life, and equally adoptive parents felt compassion and understanding towards the birth parents.

Jean* says: "His birth mother must have wondered all those years where he was and what he was like. I am pleased for her sake that she now knows and sees him and his family from time to time. Equally we know what she looks like."

The study has provided new insights into the world of adoption, search and reunion from the birth and adoptive parents' perspectives and will help practitioners have a greater understanding of all those involved.

* Names have been changed

 
Training and learning

The author has provided questions about this article to guide discussion in teams. These can be viewed at www.communitycare.co.uk/prtl and individuals' learning from the discussion can be registered on a free, password-protected training log held on the site. This is a service from Community Care for all GSCC-registered professionals.

Abstract

This article reports some of the findings from a recently published study about adoptive and birth parents' experience of adoption, search and reunion. This complex study builds on the findings from the previous study, Adoption, Search and Reunion.

References

(1) J Triseliotis, J Feast, F Kyle, The Adoption Triangle Revisited. A Study of Adoption, Search and Reunion Experiences, Baaf Adoption and Fostering, 2005. Call 0207 593 2000.
(2) J Triseliotis, In Search of Origins, Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1973
(3) D Howe, J Feast, Adoption, Search and Reunion - the Long-term Experience of Adopted Adults, 2000, reprinted by Baaf Adoption and Fostering in 2003

Contact the author
Julia.feast@baaf.org.uk