Review: BBC 'When a Mother's Love is Not Enough'

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Camilla-Pemberton-yellow.jpgDavid Cameron praises his "brilliant" social worker while taking part in a moving and frank BBC documentary about the realities of caring for disabled children

When both the PM and the leader of the opposition have parented a disabled child - Cameron lost his son Ivan, who had epilepsy and cerebal palsy in February - the future should, in theory, be bright(er) for disabled children and their families.

But a revealing, moving and non-judgemental 50 minutes of television last night begged to differ, showing that many parents of disabled children don't feel optimistic. At all.

Rosa Monckton - whose 14 year old daughter Domenica has Down's syndrome and who has campaigned for the rights of disabled children - fronted the documentary, visiting families across the country who were at breaking point, and crumbling under "crushing despair".

Monckton - who was a close friend of Princess Diana's - would have been foolish not to acknowledge (as she did) that her financial situation has greatly aided caring for Domenica. But this does not diminish her understanding, and experience, of the emotional investment and sacrifices made by parents and siblings of disabled children, many of whom are their permanent carers. 

Families at breaking point

Like single mother Asha, who was engaged in a gruelling daily fight with her local authority over her 12 year old son's daily nappy allowance - he has cerebal palsy - while her 10 year old became increasingly withdrawn, crumbling under the pressure of caring for his brother.

It can't have been easy to film Asha as she left her house - pushing one child in his wheelchair, while the other walked by her side, dejected and head bowed - and, silently, dodged stones and abuse, hurled by neighbours in her local community. 

Seventeen year old Cameron meanwhile - who has Asperger syndrome - was stuck in the vortex between children's and adult's services, unable to access respite services funded by either. His parents looked on despairingly as their adored only child entered an angry, volatile - and increasingly violent - adolescence, tempered by moments of desperate self-awareness.

Moments before swearing at his parents, hitting himself, and even holding his mother by the throat, he was enjoying watching home videos of himself as a child, muttering: "I want to be a baby again. I don't want to be like this. I don't know what's wrong with me."

It was with guilt and sorrow that his parents even contemplated residential care, unable to see a move there as anything but a sign of their failure.

'Crushing despair'

Then there was Rose, a toddler with an undiagnosed medical condition, who is unable to speak or make human connections. With brutal honesty - bravely shared by all the parents who let viewers into their lives - her mother described the unconditional love, occasional resentment and unrelenting exhaustion involved in raising a child whose future is uncertain.

Along with parents who had contemplated suicide, and worse, amid "crushing despair", were parents who had lost children. One was a tearful David Cameron. He described the confusion parents of disabled children feel at having to seek help by "constantly battering down doors". He then praised the "brilliant" social worker who had helped his family open some of them.

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The Children’s Services blog covers the latest news, views, gossip and analysis in children’s social care. It is aimed at professionals working with these children, young people and their families.

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