"Hello everybody!" Regular compere and crowd pleaser Jeremy Vine bounds to the front of the stage and even manages to get the normally reticent social work audience to applaud the speakers. "That doesn't happen every year," he jokes. Too right it doesn't - this is a tough crowd and Vine knows he can't waste too much time on pleasantries. We're straight into the "erosion of the social work profession" - a reassuring conference staple.
All is going to plan until shadow care minister Emily Thornberry starts to speak. She is surprisingly posh. Close my eyes and I could be listening to Joanna Lumley. Can't really concentrate on what she's saying.
But I'm brought straight back down to earth by Turning Point chief executive Lord Victor Adebowale. Firstly, I think all lords should wear top hats and Lord Adebowale isn't wearing a top hat. Secondly, he's a Yorkshireman who says what he thinks - kind of like the Fred Trueman of social care.
Jeremy Vine looks more like a lord - he's wearing cufflinks. And he has his own separate table, to quarantine himself from the dangerous opinions of the panellists. His table has a blue velvet cloth. I can't see the top of it but I imagine he might have a deck of cards up there.
The debate has moved onto the two colleges of social work - cue nervous laughter from College of Social Work co-chair Corrine May Chahal. "We aspire to one college," she says.
But what will you do with the other college? Are you better than them? Will you put them out of business? Vine's on a roll and asking the kind of questions that polite people just don't ask. Cue more nervous laughter and Joanna Lumley suggesting the whole issue is "funny but unfortunate".
Big Society next and I am on full bullshit alert. Luckily Lord Adebowale is on similar high alert. Has the Big Society helped Turning Point, asks Vine.
"Not really," says the lord.
Oh no, what's happened now? Vine has mentioned Cardigan the Dog and his campaign to become chief social worker. I get enough self-congratulatory emails from this particular canine already - now it's going to become unbearable.