by Simon Stevens
It is fashionable to talk about personalisation and independent living, but how far are people really prepared to go?
There is a topic of sexual activity and how it relates to disabled people who require assistance with this: namely, masturbation. While this taboo topic needs to be handled sensitively, it is important the rights and responsibilities of disabled people in this area are understood.
First, it is important to separate relationships and the act of love-making from the mental well-being of being able to masturbate. Regardless of someone’s level of impairment, people can have meaningful and loving relationships and it is patronising to assume, as in the past and in many other countries, that the state should assist in this matter because disabled people are unable to find their own relationships.
While emotional assistance may not be needed from a paid staff member, physical assistance may be needed to prepare for love making and to clean up afterwards. Boundaries need to be set as to the role of the personal assistant and their partner(s). Respect must flow both ways to ensure the matter is managed correctly.
When a service user is unable to masturbate due to a lack of hand control and it has been established that the activity would assist with their stress levels and mental well-being, I believe money should be available in their personal assistance funding to pay for someone to help them in this activity.
This person in most cases would not be their personal assistant. You cannot simply add this to a job description and expect staff to be happy, even if they are prepared to do it while “thinking of England”. The hiring of a specific worker – probably a sex worker – is a grey area legally and morally, but I believe this can be overcome if the right level of professionalism were put in place which considered issues of adult protection, consent and health matters.
This is an issue which has been “dealt with” in residential care and other settings on an unofficial basis for decades but in order to protect people and give choice and independence, this issue needs to be discussed openly and some guidance on the boundaries should be agreed.
The issues involved clearly deserve more discussion than this column can afford it. Visit CareSpace to get involved in the debate.
Simon Stevens is chief executive of Enable Enterprises. He also has his own blog.
This is an important issue, we all have rights to express our sexuality and indeed masturbation can alleviate frustrations. What I wonder is that in these days of amazing 'gadgets' could something be designed and developed that could meet this need whilst still allowing for privacy and dignity, maybe there is such a 'gadget' already in existence? A research project in the making!
The gadgets are here. They are expensive and poorly designed.
Check out Sybian for women and Venus for men.
I have designed and built hundreds of adaptive devices in the last 25 years. Most of them are unavailable or overpriced in the marketplace.
I am currently working on such a project such as you mention for disabled vets. I am a war vet myself.
If you are interested please let me know.
I can send you letters of reference from Voc Rehab of Vermont.