The Death of Baby P: what do I tell my children?

·                     Make sure younger children are supervised when they are watching news items that may disturb them or reading information that may be quite complex to understand

·                     Listen and observe the child and ask yourself why is THIS CHILD asking ME this or reacting in this way at THIS TIME (for professionals working with children this is a very important consideration and they will be considering the age and gender of the child, their history, how long they have known them and in what capacity, etc)

·                     If the child does not say anything but has overheard or seen something on the TV or the newspapers then initiate a conversation about it as the child may be too frightened to bring it up themselves

·                     Ask your child what they think happened to Baby P - this is a good way of clarifying what the child's level of understanding really is

·                     If they have asked you about the event then gently find out what led to the question: have they heard it on the TV, read about it or seen a photograph or perhaps heard adults or children talk about it. This will help you gauge how to respond

·                     Help the child to explain what they know. Do not overload with information, answer specific questions and make sure the child knows that they can talk to you about it and other concerns again

·                     Tell them that what happened to Baby P is very rare. Most adults love their children and usually other adults detect what is happening if their parent is hurting them

·                     Tell them that Baby P's mother and others in the household were wrong. In fact what happened to Baby P is such a serious and unusual thing for a parent (other adults) to do to a child - which is why there is so much news and concern about it. It is in fact a crime.

·                     Tell them that they should always talk to someone that they trust if they are frightened about anything at all

·                     Make sure that you end the conversation in a way that leaves the door open for the child to talk to you about it again

·                     If you are with children who have already suffered trauma - observe them carefully as they may not always talk. They may show their fear in drawings and dreams/wakefulness and may regress in some of their behaviours. Some children may start bed-wetting again or find it difficult to separate from parents or stay over at friends and relatives. There are also other examples that indicate that the child may be frightened and pre-occupied - if you know the child you will recognise these

·                     If you think that they are distressed then talk to them about what has happened in very simple terms and appropriate to their developmental age - so if they think like a three year old then use short examples from their lives and if they are older and able to understand more difficult arguments then you can refer to something in a novel they have read. There will be other examples. Remember not talking about it will not help

·                     Reassure your child that they are safe, and that as a parent you will keep them safe. This is particularly important for children who have been abused in some previous situation and for who this may well reawaken memories and great insecurity.

·                     If you are still worried about the child then contact your GP surgery - they should know who you can speak to about your worries

·                     Also make sure that you alert the child's school or nursery so that they can be sensitive to needs

·                     If what the child says and does makes you think that there has been abuse then contact a social worker via your local authority help desk

Remember that the events may also be distressing you. Such events can bring back the memories and feelings associated with past distress. Find someone you can talk to or talk to your GP about professional help

Renuka Jeyarajah-Dent is an Educational Psychologist and Operations Director at Coram. She is grateful for the help and advice of Dr Jean Harris-Hendriks (Honorary Consultant and Senior Lecturer, Traumatic Stress Clinic, Charlotte St, London) and Dr Martin Newman (Consultant and Honorary Senior Lecturer in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, South West London and St George's Mental Heath NHS Trust and St George's, University of London)