Mo Kurimbokus, a relationship counsellor and sex therapist, examines how to maintain a healthy relationship when one partner has a stressful job
Often being in a stressful job means that at the end of the working day, your brain may take time before it can switch off. People process things in different ways; for some, a good conversation helps to download and release some of the stress and concerns, while for others, a quiet time to internally digest what is going on for them is what they need.
Often being in a stressful job means that at the end of the working day, your brain may take time before it can switch off. People process things in different ways; for some, a good conversation helps to download and release some of the stress and concerns, while for others, a quiet time to internally digest what is going on for them is what they need.
If you are the type who needs to talk, but finding that this is affecting your relationship with your partner, consider the following:
Timing is crucial. Make sure that the time is right for a chat. Let him know that you want to talk and how much time you might need. Check that he is OK with this.
Negotiate the middle ground. Your partner may have been looking forward to you coming home to tell you about his day, or whatever is on his mind, or to do something together with you, so don't assume that you are the only one who has things to say - be considerate, sensitive and tactful.
If you find that your partner is disinterested or does not want to listen, you may have more power and control over the situation than you realise.
Don't just jump in there and blurt out what you want to say. If you want him to listen and to support you emotionally, you need to engage him. Help him to stay in tune with you and to understand how you feel and what you are going through. Communicate clearly, try to keep it simple and avoid jargon, after all he is not doing your job. Give him space to make comments and to give his perspective on things should he want to. Allow it to be a two way process.
Encourage him by letting him know how much you appreciate and value his listening and supporting you.
If your partner is the type who, when hearing what you have to say, automatically tries to find a solution or to fix the problem, let him know from the outset whether you want him to fix it for you or whether you just want him to listen to you and to be there for you.
Take turns to talk about your day. Listen and give each other your full attention. Remember a problem shared is a problem halved.
The best relationship is one where both parties can share their thoughts and feelings with each other openly and freely. This makes the relationship more intimate and sex in this type of relationship becomes a natural follow on. Trust is built and maintained when each are congruent with the other. Sharing your working life with your partner can help to strengthen a relationship. It's just the way you go about doing it that makes all the difference.
Timing is crucial. Make sure that the time is right for a chat. Let him know that you want to talk and how much time you might need. Check that he is OK with this.
Negotiate the middle ground. Your partner may have been looking forward to you coming home to tell you about his day, or whatever is on his mind, or to do something together with you, so don't assume that you are the only one who has things to say - be considerate, sensitive and tactful.
If you find that your partner is disinterested or does not want to listen, you may have more power and control over the situation than you realise.
Don't just jump in there and blurt out what you want to say. If you want him to listen and to support you emotionally, you need to engage him. Help him to stay in tune with you and to understand how you feel and what you are going through. Communicate clearly, try to keep it simple and avoid jargon, after all he is not doing your job. Give him space to make comments and to give his perspective on things should he want to. Allow it to be a two way process.
Encourage him by letting him know how much you appreciate and value his listening and supporting you.
If your partner is the type who, when hearing what you have to say, automatically tries to find a solution or to fix the problem, let him know from the outset whether you want him to fix it for you or whether you just want him to listen to you and to be there for you.
Take turns to talk about your day. Listen and give each other your full attention. Remember a problem shared is a problem halved.
The best relationship is one where both parties can share their thoughts and feelings with each other openly and freely. This makes the relationship more intimate and sex in this type of relationship becomes a natural follow on. Trust is built and maintained when each are congruent with the other. Sharing your working life with your partner can help to strengthen a relationship. It's just the way you go about doing it that makes all the difference.
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