Which planet is Iain Duncan Smith on? Abregado-rae, apparently.
Inspired by the inhabitants of this distant world he has become subsumed by the indigenous language, Gados.
But something has been lost in translation and the former Tory leader, who now runs the party's think-tank, is proposing the introduction of gados to sort out gang activity and contain the leaders.
Frustrated with the ineffectiveness of antisocial behaviour orders, Iain Duncan Smith's Centre for Policy Studies believes the answer lies in gang activity desistance orders (gado - geddit?).
Its Dying to Belong report castigates Asbos as a "badge of honour" for recipients. Gados, on the other hand, would carry "serious repercussions", although, like Asbos, only breaches of the orders would carry a punishment.
Forgive me for visiting planet Earth, but would not gang leaders view gados in precisely the same way as our rowdy elements do Asbos?
And would gang leaders really be that bothered about the proposed "gang prevention zones"? If gangs are willing to flout the law on drugs and weapons, they are unlikely to be deterred by a piece of paper banning them from an area. With gang activity often defined by postcode, a device for moving them on - perhaps to another gang's patch - would be laden with risk.
I get the impression that Iain Duncan Smith's report is more about effect than cause and I would expect more from a party that expects to form the next government.
Incidentally, gado is also the Indonesian word for vegetable. Gado gado anyone?
Boris Johnson and the F-word
I always did wonder whether the limit of Boris Johnson's lexicon of oaths was "crikey" and "cripes". But now it appears that, in moments of stress, the London mayor resorts to the language of the kitchen.
If he can get so worked up when talking to Keith Vaz, what would BoJo say if his soufflé collapsed?
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