I'm just about 100% certain that I am not descended from two giant lizards that leapt from a visiting spacecraft aeons ago but, then again, I am also certain that autism exists.
Nope, Scientology is not for me. And no longer is it for one of the cult's biggest catches, the Oscar-winning film maker Paul Haggis, who directed Crash and Million Dollar Baby.
What makes intelligent, gifted people join the Scientologists is a mystery to me, but I find religion generally a bit of an oddity.
Haggis's letter to Scientology's grand lizards, or whatever those who run it call themselves, describes an organisation ridden with bigotry and homophobia.
It is also an organisation steeped in ignorance.
When it was suggested that the death this year of the son of John Travolta, one of the cult's biggest captives, was linked to severe autism, the parents faced a crisis of conscience.
Why? Because Scientology doesn't believe that autism exists. Indeed the grand lizards say that problems of the mind, including mental illness generally, are psychosomatic and can cured by spiritual healing.
Despite his personal tragedy, Travolta remains a member of the Church of Scientology, comforted no doubt by the presence of other reptilian descendants holed up in Hollywood, such as Tom Cruise and Priscilla Presley.
But don't let us in the UK rest on our laurels. Armed with their A-list Hollywood membership, the Scientologists are hard at work here recruiting vulnerable people.
Only in May they launched an anti-drug offensive in five areas of London where the smaller lizards distributed a booklet to young people called "The Truth about Drugs".
And on their London website is a picture of what appears to be a mayor handing a certificate to a young girl in relation to some community project.
With public spending cuts possible in the years ahead, are the Scientologists, with their misguided views on mental health issues, now turning their sights on an anticipated gap in service provision?
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