by Mike McNabb
It's bizarre how our communities secretary, Hazel Blears, views immigrants. Apparently, they drink and drive, drop litter, spit, don't educate their children, play loud music and touch people without their permission.
Worst of all, in a deed that would make the stiffest of upper lips go all a-quiver, some of them even put their bins out on the wrong day.
No spitting
Luckily Blears has come to the rescue with her plan for advice packs to which newcomers (if they can get in) can refer as they assimilate into our, erm, law-abiding society.
Perhaps she should also arrange for packs to be sent to native British too. She could include: try to be open-minded; try not to be abusive; don't drink and drive; don't drop litter; don't spit (away from the solitude of your own armchair); educate your children, yes educate them, that means send them to school not the shopping mall; and don't touch people without their permission especially when they have politely asked you to turn your music down.
Cultural bubble
Blears's idea that immigrants form an antisocial, law-flouting critical mass is offensive in itself. But one also wonders what sort of cultural bubble she inhabits.
In a clip from a TV documentary made in the 1950s I watched a trade unionist bemoan the influx of immigrants who were "taking our jobs". He also complained that they spat. This in a country where buses had long before immigrants arrived here carried the legend "no spitting" on their upper decks.
Later, the London dockers, trade unionists to a man, marched in support of Enoch Powell who had been sacked from Tory leader Edward Heath's frontbench team for his inflammatory pronouncements on immigration.
The trade union movement has since cleaned up its act and does more than most to promote social inclusion and race equality.
It is to their shame that Hazel Blears and this government have taken a step back to the 1950s.
It makes me think though, what advice should migrants really be given about how to integrate into British society? I'd be happy to hear your suggestions.
If we really want migrants to fit in I think they could more usefully be advised how to:
- select the correct brand of tinned lager/alcopop
- consume said lager/alcopop within culturally acceptable timeframe/quantity
- deport oneself with the necessary vim and vigour in the town centre once said substances have been consumed
- develop skills for managing aggression including suitable escalation techniques
- adopt standardised protocols for public urination and vomiting
In the recent past I have made kitchen gutted and repaired by Romanians, garden patio and decking laid by Albanians and have a Bulgarian cleaner. None needed advice on appropriate behaviour and personal hygene. In fact the stereotype they conformed to was of many (most) migrants; namely, entrepreneurial, go-getters, harder working than average, well-educated but not allowed to work in the jobs they are qualified to do, etc etc – unlike shameless Blairite careerists such as Hazel Blears