So.I'm innocently traveling from the the fridge to the garbage can in my house on Saturday night. It's not much of trek at all, say three feet max. I toss my trash into the can, glance up on the wall and see this:
My screech was loud enough to wake the dead. I ran to the other side of the kitchen and stood. Paralyzed. And, rightly, I might add, completely freaked out. The Geek, intrigued, went to inspect. His response?The Geek: It's just a garden spider.
Just a garden spider? JUST a garden spider? Where's the acid he took? 'Cause obviously he didn't share it with me and that's just plain rude. I'm here to tell you that that bitch on my wall was not just a garden spider. She was roughly the size of a Volkswagon and she was on a mission of malicious intent.
Say you: Please.
Say me: I'm telling you. We made eye contact. I peered into her soul and it wasn't a happy place.
I know it's hard to tell from the pic as there's nothing there to indicate scale, but trust me. This arachnid was Yao Ming. On steroids.
In the few nanoseconds it took me to make it to the other side of the room, my heart was racing, my blood pressure was dangerously high, I had broken out in cold sweats, I was low on oxygen from hyperventilating, and close to running and screaming in the streets like a mad woman. Seeing as it was after midnight, though, my neighbors would not thought highly of this course of action. No matter. I'm fully convinced it would have been warranted.
I'm trying to paint you a picture of the size of this intruder in my house. I want you to understand the depth of bigness I'm trying to portray to you. We're talking Return of the King sized spider, here.
Clearly, it was either me or her. I exaggerated to my family make my point:Me: It's the size of New Hampshire and I want it OUT of my kitchen! (Gesticulating. To, you know, communicate where I stood on the matter.)
The Boy: Cool! It's starting to spin a web!!!
The Geek: Let me get my camera..... ->
Read the complete post at http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/blogspot/tXCM/~3/419396493/outside-uninvited.html
Posted
13 Oct 2008 11:00 AM
by
Trench Warfare
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