Delusional Thinking: An Illustration

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I cover more than one hospital.

In fact, I cover three of them.

(You know how every once-in-a-while I'll tell give you a heads up about foreshadowing? This is one of those times.)

Most of the time, the primary on-call person is able to juggle the calls fairly well. Even if a call comes in while you're assessing someone else, you can oftentimes put the second call in queue.

This is how it works:

Nurse/doc in Needy ER: Hey, Reas. We have a 54-year-old woman with suicidal ideations we need you to come and see.

Me: OK, I'm right in the middle of another assessment, but I'll get there as soon as I can.

Needy ER Nurse/doc: OK, thanks.

See how easy that was? I do my job as required. The medical professional realizes that she's on hospital time and informs the woman she'll have to settle in and wait.

Enter psychiatrist.

The other day I got called to a hospital. On my drive to one hospital, I get a message from a psychiatrist at another hospital. Via courier.

The courier: Dr. Demanding called. He needs you to evaluate his patient in the ICU. He wants the patient to go to St. Elsewhere's under the service of Dr. Doolittle. And he wants you there no later than 11 a.m.

Uh huh.

Point by point, let's examine the magical thinking we have going on here:

Point uno) Fiction: He wants the patient to go to St. Elsewhere. Reality: The patient will go to St. Elsewhere if there are beds available, which is highly unlikely. St. Elsewhere is one of the busiest hospitals in the city and it takes an act of Congress coupled with a miracle to get anyone in there.

Point dos) Fiction: He wants the patient to be under Dr. Doolittle's service. Reality: the patient will be under the service of whomever accepts said patient for admission. Which, again, is a dubious undertaking. See point uno.

Point tres) Fiction: The doc wants a person there by 11:00 a.m. Reality: I'll get there when I can. As I've noted before, I've yet to master the art of being in two places at once. This despite the fact that I've read the Harry Potter series twice and am an avid Lost viewer to boot. Those time travel theories work great on paper (or screen) but are a bit more difficult to execute in real life. Additionally, this was a Friday, one of the busiest days of the week. In this particular situation, even our backup on-call person was otherwise engaged. What I'm trying to say here, doc, is that you can wait in line just like everyone else.

The doc called again, apparently wondering where we were. We explained the situation to him. We explained that, believe it or not, there were other people out there who required our services. Believe it or not, you didn't get there first. Believe it or not, we're not going to drop what we're doing and be at your beck-and-call.

Ten years ago, this kind of situation would have thrown me into complete crisis. I would have been flipping out over the fact that a doctor needed something and I couldn't get there Right Now! like he requested (see doc's appointed name in this entry to fully appreciate the dynamic at play here.) I would have fretted. I would have been distraught. I would have called my supervisor at least three times. I would have probably lost sleep about it that night.

Now? Please.

I told the courier that if I was qualified to do the assessment, the psychiatrist was MORE than qualified. He wants it done now? Tell him to do it himself.*

You know what?

He did. ->

*OK, really I was just venting when I spoke to the courier. I didn't expect her to deliver that message verbatim--just to reiterate that we all had our hands full and would be there as soon as we could. What I didn't feel about this was guilty. Nor did I feel bad when I found out doc did the assessment and arranged for transer to another hospital. In fact, I went to Starbucks to celebrate.