We all hear the stories, right?
Those terrible, awful stories from the people we see. Those stories that assault our psyche. The stories that we think are gone but in reality, they're not. They hang around like a pesky mold. You think you've cleansed by staffing with your colleagues, staffing with your supervisor, staffing with the random nurse who's working with the patient next door, purging to your spouse and blogging. You think you're clean. But you're not. The story took a back door, embedded itself in the tiny crevices of your being and slowly grew. Grew to the point that one day you open the cupboard and there it is.
ZOMG! Where did THAT come from? EW!
And the thing is, we expect people to be suicidal after hearing the things we hear. I mean, how could they NOT be, right? How could one NOT be suicidal after being sexually abused for years, and then sexually assaulted in college, and then married to a drunk who thankfully, never hit her. With his hands, anyway. How could one NOT be suicidal after becoming a quadriplegic in her forties? How could one NOT be suicidal when his father was mentally ill and a cruel, cruel man?
But sometimes, people really surprise me.
I saw a woman recently who had been through the ringer. Horribly physically abused for years. Sexually molested for years. Dad a drunk. Mom a drunk. They divorced and each married drunks. In and out of family homes and foster care for years. Married at sixteen and honestly? Who could blame her?
So I'm doing my thing--running down the mental and actual checklist:
Me: So talk to me about any suicide events you've experienced.
Her: I've never had any.
An skeptical me: Never?
Her: Nope.
An incredulous me: Never thought about it?
Her: Never.
A stupefied me: Never dreamed about it?
Her: No.
A convinced-she's-lying me: Never wrote any notes about it? Even in your journal?
Her: No. Never.
What. The. Hell?
HOW? How could this woman have suffered all that she had suffered in her life and NEVER even experienced suicidal ideations, let alone attempted at some point? And it's get better: She was never an alcoholic. Never a drug abuser. Never a gambler. Never an over-spender. Never a cutter. Never had an eating disorder. Never experienced any anxiety of any kind. Never really even all that depressed. She had never been to therapy. She had a job that she loved, a spouse she loved, great functioning adult kids, one of whom I met.
For all intents-and-purposes, the woman was functioning better than me.* The only indication that she might have a few skeletons was manifested in her spouse, who was a bit of a louse.
She threw off my groove. ->
*Long story as to how I saw her.
Read the complete post at http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/blogspot/tXCM/~3/TSTP-agV7Lk/butbutwhy.html
Posted
13 May 2009 11:05 PM
by
Trench Warfare
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