My headphone jack went out on my phone. This is beyond a small problem. This is a crisis. I cannot drive in my car without music. I just can't. It's so habitual for me to plug in my phone and get tunes going before I leave the driveway that when they're not there, I feel like I haven't fastened my seatbelt. In other words, I'm naked.
The jack's been going out for a few weeks now and I've done various and sundry hacks to keep it going. A different adapter (read: official Macintosh adapter) gave it new life for about a month. But over the weekend it started crackling on me. Then I went online, purused the Apple boards and tried other CPR methods. Namely, I was working with the theory that the jack was dirty and needed a good cleaning. The q-tip/alcohol solution worked great. For one car session. Then I tried taking compressed air and blowing air into it. Again and again and again.
Yeah.
I think that made it worse.
After the compressed air debacle, I decided this was beyond my meager skills and made the decision to drive to the Apple store. I was reluctant to do so because it meant a significant trek in front of me and since the kids are out of school, it wasn't a trek I was willing to make during the day.
So I get here and what do I get? Stiff armed by hipsters. Are you aware that you have to make an appointment to get the "geniuses" (their jargon, certainly not mine) to look at your hardware? An appointment. Like the Apple Store is on par with a job interview. Or Steve Jobs himself.
The hipsters tried to tell me that they were SO sorry, they were all booked up for the night. To which I replied:
Me: You guys can surely fit me in, right? I drove up here from Mytown (a 30 minute drive).
The Hipster (clicking on computer, looking at screen, cringing): Well.....you can get on standby. But we have two people in front of you. One's been waiting for 21 minutes the other for 18. It could be a while (coupled with a mock concerned face, not unlike one you would see in a Jim Carrey movie.)
Me: Put me on standby. I'll wait.
Can you guess what happened next? I got a lecture from the All Knowing Apple Hipster:
Hipster: Here (hands me a card). Next time you have trouble go to this website and make an appointment. It makes it SO much easier on everyone involved.
Yeah. Thanks for that, I'll log that away.
Me: Ok, where's a bookstore? Will you guys call me when you're ready for me?
Hipster: Oh, you have to stay in the store if you're on standby.
Me: Are you kidding?
Hipster: Sorry, that's the way it works with standby. If someone else ahead of you leaves....
Me: OK! I won't leave!
And now that I'm on a role, I'm going to keep on going.
Can we talk about this stupid Apple keyboard? Oh, it LOOKS cool, sure. Except I think by the end of my rant I can easily sue Steve for a good sum (or at the very least a new phone) because my wrists are killing me. I swear, I'm developing carpal tunnel right now. Have you SEEN this thing? Let me show you.
OK, forget it. I can't blogger to cooperate with me. Just look at that picture up top. The keyboard is pretty, I agree. But it's certainly not the ergo keyboard I've grown to know and love.
Plus, there's the small matter of the fact that I don't speak Apple. They naturally have different command prompts so a simple matter of cutting and pasting has been no small feat. And they don't have a "backspace" button, either. What. The. Hell? PLUS I'm in Safari not Chrome, so I haven't a clue as to how to do a simple thing like open another tab in the browser. I learned from asking a neighbor that it's "command" T. Whatever. The "command" button is in a weird place and why can't they just have a little tab do-hickey up there like all the other browsers.
Oh, I forgot.
Because they're Apple.
(The Geek is doing a one-armed fist pump right at this moment.)
And one more thing! You can't send iTunes gift certificates to just anyone. Did you know that? Nope. If I get an iTunes gift card, I can only send it to someone in the states. Copyright laws different in each country, blah, blah, blah.
Here's how I'm sticking it to The Man:
I'm in the Apple store right now. I'm using Apple hardware, Apple software, and Apple rent and I'm bitching about Apple. I'm bitching but good and then I'm going to post this to my blog.
Whee! ->