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I finally get it after almost 30 years.

I get the profound sadness that people of my father's generation felt when John Lennon was shot.

John Lennon was a mixed bag, after all: He was a drug user, likely an alcoholic, a terrible father to his first born, an awful partner to his first wife, and attracted to the likes of Yoko Ono. But he was musically brilliant. And had a wicked sense of humor. And ultimately a purveyor of peace.

And he helped provide the soundtrack to an entire generation. An excellent soundtrack. A soundtrack that can't be matched--it was the sound of a time, after all. The time of the 60's. Those wonderful, awful sixties with the deaths of JFK, MLK, RFK, Vietnam, Kent State...

But then came the 70's. The Boomers grew up. They married. They had kids. And they turned those Beatles disks for us so we wouldn't be deprived of the foursome's perfect harmonies, and slick pop arrangements and later, their experiments with acid pop and rock. They played those albums for us, perhaps so they could turn back their own clocks a bit. Those erosive clocks that force upon you responsibilities that aren't always so much fun. Jobs. Mortgages. Marriage. Kids.

And when John Lennon died, they collectively mourned. And they came and told us, maybe tearfully: Can you believe it? John Lennon was shot! So young. Such a tragedy.

And we agreed.

And then we went school and heard Michael Jackson.

We heard Michael Jackson on the bus. We heard him at the skating rink. We heard him in the gym at lunch break. We heard him in our cars and at our parties and at our school dances and on our dates and in the clubs.

Michael Jackson, along with Prince and Madonna. HE was the sound, the essence, the embodiment of the Gen Xers.

HE was the one that enthralled us with Off the Wall and later completely stunned us with Thriller, one of the most perfect pop albums ever produced. He was the one who made MTV his own and gave us those unbelievable visuals along with his astounding sound. He pushed the envelope every time with his videos. Every time. They were always good. We talked about those videos. They were as much a part of our existence as radio was for those who came before us.

And then....well. What can I say? The man was troubled. Addicted to plastic surgery. To pills. To little boys.

He was complex. Aren't we all? Aren't we all, after all, a mixed bag and a bundle of neuroses?

I offer to you mMy top 10 MJ songs/videos. Forgive me for the repetition, as I've posted two already. I ask again, what are your favorites? Who knows, I may have to change my mind when I hear from you.

10. Wanna Be Starting Something. The first track on Thriller, more of an Off the Wall sound and thus, good. Better than good.

9. Black or White. Only because of the wonderful face-melding scene at then end. See? Hard to separate the music from the video.

8. Smooth Criminal. What a song, with that beat and those repetitive lyrics. The video is also a masterpiece of performance--those smooth moves and that...that leaning thing he does. Plus, bonus! An unbelievable cover that I plastered on Facebook but will do here as well. Alien Ant Farm's rendition, which is spectacular. I almost like it better than the original.

7. Scream. With his equally talented sister, a black and white bonanza of technology and talent.

6. Off the Wall. Title track from the 1979 album. I'm sure this one was played ad nauseum in the discos. But it's a great tune.

5. Billie Jean. Linked to the video yesterday. What an original concept for a video--the objects lighting up when he touched them. It still stands today as an amazing meld of visual and audio. The link here is his fantastic performance at Motown's televised 25th anniversary, where he introduced the world to the moon walk. And apparently, right before the music and lights went up, he lost his other (white, sequined) glove. The show must go on.

4. Thriller. That 13 minute epic video, which was more like a cultural event when it came out. The scheduled playing it of on MTV. The "making of" TV special. Now we get married and do the dance at our weddings.

3. Beat it. Of course. The third single released off the Thriller album and the song that started the dance-in-the-video craze that went on for...well, did it ever stop?

2. Don't Stop Til You Get Enough. That little "whooooooo" at the beginning? I love that. And his falsetto? How can you not move to this one?

1. Can You Feel It. I embedded last night. I love, love, love this song. Love it. And I know I'm cheating because this is a Jackson 5 song, but he's front and center, right? ->