8:45 Thursday night: Social worker receives a text from the boss (social worker would like to take a moment her to say her boss LOVES texting, that social worker gets more texts from her than anyone else.) instructing social worker of an assessment at the ICU the following morning. Text instructs social worker to go to room 30, gives the patient name and where said patient needs to go because of some chronic health problems.
8:32 Friday morning: Call from the boss saying never mind. Chronically sick patient is....well, too sick to leave the hospital. Labs are a mess and they don't know how long she'll have to stay.
8:33 Friday morning: Elated social worker returns to (new!) bed for a just a bit longer.
10:00 Friday morning: Motivated social worker is in her workout clothes driving to the Y. She receives a text from the boss (the author made mention she likes texting, right?) saying chronically ill patient is ready to go and please go complete assessment.
10:01 Friday morning: Confused social worker pulls over to CALL boss. Confused social worker is confused because it seems a bit odd that chronically ill patient would have a miraculous recovery in the course of 88 minutes.
10:01 Friday morning: Confused social worker's boss doesn't answer phone even though she just sent a text to social worker one minute earlier.
10:05 Friday morning: After some internal debating, confused social worker decides NOT to question authority or the miracles of modern science (read: doesn't go to the Y first--but she was tempted) and gets emotionally and physically ready for the assessment.
12:13 Friday afternoon: Voyeur social worker heads up to the ICU unit (following a 40 minute drive) via the "secret staircase" which requires a pin to enter. Voyeur social worker keeps hoping to catch a couple making out in the darkened corner of the secret staircase and has, do date, been disappointed.
12:15 Friday afternoon: Dutiful Social worker arrives at ICU unit "C" and inquires about chronically ill patient in room 30, per instructions texted to her the night before.
12:15 Friday afternoon: Nurse informs dutiful social worker that there is no patient in room 30.
12:15 Friday afternoon: Puzzled social worker gives nurse the patient name. Nurse tells puzzled social worker said patient moved to a different hospital, one social worker had never been too (it is part of the same complex, however.)
12:16 Friday afternoon: Exasperated social worker asks nurse to please double check this information.
12:17 Friday afternoon: Accomodating nurse clicks away on the computer and sure enough! Chronically ill patient is back in the ICU after a short stint in the other facility, except she's down the hall in ICU "A", room 4.
12:18 Friday afternoon: exasperated social worker heads to ICU "A" and inquires about chronically ill patient to yet another nurse.
12:19 Friday afternoon: New nurse says chronically ill patient isn't ready to go.
12:20 Friday afternoon: Quickly-moving-from-exasperated-to-angry social worker asks the nurse if she is absolutely sure. Social worker request that nurse check the chart for written orders from the doc. Usually this means only 16 letters: "Manics-R-Us consult".
12:20 Friday afternoon: Nurse number two checks the orders. The magic 16 letters do not appear.
12:21 Friday afternoon: Angry social worker takes a deep breath. And then, trying-to-find-zen social worker very politely explains the situation and asks the nurse to please CALL the doctor to confirm that chronically ill patient remains chronically ill.
12:22 Friday afternoon: Helpful nurse calls the doctor and confirms that yes, indeed, chronically ill patient remains chronically ill and is not ready for discharge.
12:23 Friday afternoon: Astounded social worker just sits for a moment. And is astounded.
12:24 Friday afternoon: Sympathetic nurse tells astounded social worker she should charge double for coming out for nothing. Astounded social worker agrees. And although astounded social worker cannot do that, she makes the decision right there to damn sure charge an hourly rate for her drive which normally can't be billed (except for mileage).
12:25 Friday afternoon: Defeated social worker heads to the secret stairwell and furvently believes that today, of all days, at this time, of all times, should be the day and time she catches a couple making out in dark crevices of the secret stairwell.
12:26 Friday afternoon: Vastly disappointed social worker exits the hospital. ->