I am not sure if i have put this in the right section so forgive me if i haven't.
Getting straight to point i am 21 years old and a carer for my mother who had rhemtoid arthurtis. She use to be a business women , her own shop, independent , active etc but still feels over night that changed.
i am in my last year on placement, and even though i make, arrange mum's appointments in my lunch time etc. I still use toil to go to appointments with her which are every two weeks. I love my mum, i am a caring person and i wished to be a social worker but i can honestly say it is because of my mother that i am able to acheive this dream.
But i am scared. in interviews i will have to state that i do require using toil or days off for appointments. I am a organised dedicated worker, so my service users are always first , appointments kept, tasks done etc. But i will be at a dis advantage to a newly qualified student who wont have to take time off.
What can i do or say. feels like a battle of fullfilling my dream and caring for the person whom i love and i could never abandon her.
Hi Kazyk,
I don't think you'll have to worry about what an employer will think of you. There are many many social workers (including newly qualified workers) who are parents and have to take TOIL or unpaid leave to care for sick children, or attend appointments or other events (e.g. school sports day) with their children. Your caring responsibilities for your mother are just as important as this. You don't normally have to state what you're using your TOIL or annual leave for in the office, so I wouldn't start apologising for that in an interview, but unpaid leave on top of the leave you are due will likely be different, but shouldn't be too big a deal. I think it's pretty awesome that you've managed caring for your mother while on a full-time degree and placement. Remember, your rights as an employee are probably better than those you'll have had as a student with regards to taking leave and not having to necessarily make time up. Also, under some equality legislation (Work and Families Act 2006), you may be entitled to request flexible working to care for your mother. If your mum is receiving help from social services already, in theory it may be worth asking for additional support to take into account that you are working full-time once you get a job though in practice it may not be possible.
Hope that helps a little, and hope that others might have some good advice for you too.
JB1
Hi Kazyk, the other thing you might wish to consider is whether you want to continue doing as much caring for your mum as you have so far. Only you - and your mum - can make this decision of course, but I thought it a question worth raising with you. Your mum could request assessment by adult services to see whether she is eligible for any kind of package of support, which may enable her to be supported by a care assistant in attending hospital appointments etc. The other thing is to see whether your mum is eligible for any benefits such as disability living allowance, which may enable her to be a little more independent. I'm no expert on disability benefits etc but there are organisations out there who could offer advice on this.
None of the above would mean that you care for your mum any less, or that you would have to abandon all caring roles with her, but it may mean that you could successfully balance a demanding working life with your own personal needs and those of your mother.
I think you need to be brave and take a long term look at the issues. You are starting out in a demanding career, and now is the time to put structures in place that will enable you to manage your work and home life successfully.
Best wishes.
Hi, Kazyk,
1. Many employers now have policy to support employees with caring responsibility, including the option of time off. This will usually be at the manager's discretion, so it will depend on your relationship with them, but you do not need to declare this at the interview stage, and I would advise against it.
I suggest you check the employer's policy before the interview, and make sure you want to work for them, and then try to evaluate the manager's commitment to staff welfare... not easy before you've even started!
Remember that their first priority is to get the work done, so if you want to make a regular arrangement for time of for your mums' fortnightly appointment, it's best to be prepared to offer a solution that will meet their needs - e.g. that you will make up the time when it serves their needs.
2. I agree that this might be a good time to get some support for your mum, and indirectly for yourself.
I am concerned that you feel this might be 'abandoning the person you love'. Given that you are going into a profession where your work involves supporting vulnerable people, it would be worrying if you see them as only needing support because they have been abandoned.
You have every right to a life of your own, and you will both benefit if you can share the burden of care and learn how to delegate. See it an opportunity for you to experience what it's like from the service user's point of view!
Best of luck with everything - a full life will always be a juggling act!
I am full time senior social worker in Ireland and I have a 14 year old daughter with autism and severe learning difficulties plus a 13 year old son with high functioning moderate aspergers. For several years I was able to avail of unpaid parental leave for each by reducing my weekly working hours for a maximum agreed period. I still have the option of reduced flexi working hours which every parent or employee is entitled to in Ireland [and I presume the UK] I tie in my hours to suit my daughter's end of school day and my wife covers during the school holidays. My mother is also in a nursing home with advanced alzheimers at 74. My father is due shortly for major heart surgery. Apart from that everything's hunky dory and I come to work for a break!
Council/health employers are usually or should be quite sympathetic to carer needs in terms of time off, however if your caring commitments require regular substantial time they would expect you to consider reduced working hours/job share options. It should not be a disadvantage in applying for new jobs in social work, if anything it could demonstrate your maturity and resilience in coping with personal problems and enable you to empathise with others presenting with similar problems.