Howdy! I'm a child-free child-care social worker. I have no intention of having children and have certainly never hidden the that fact. This has never really been an issue UNTIL I entered the accepting and anti-oppressive arena of social work. I'm increasingly dismayed by a number of unpleasant comments from other professionals insinuating I am a less effective childcare social worker because I'm child-free (among other things...)
So I guess my question is, can the committed child-free ever be as effective in children and families teams as those who are parents or who intend to be?
Yes, of course. Empathy and being able to 'walk a mile in another's shoes' is the key, whether someone has children or not. Just because someone has had children it doesn't mean that they know more than someone who doesn't - they only know about THEIR experience of having children, they don't know any more about a client family's experience than anyone else.
echo emms thought and the OP worriess- if it helps thers another thread on this somewhere?
i think that like anything its swings and roundabouts - i dont have kids and while their are def areas of parents lives i struggle to identify with and I certainly dont know some basic stuff about parenting that I would do if id been a parent,
on the other hand because I havnt crossed that divide I still find myself empathising with the child and identifying with them more....
You can only go on what the service users say about you rather than other profs who may have their axes to grind - friends of mine who are ex service users say being preached to someone who has nebver had kids was a major reason why the relationship was never successful - but as you can say that about anything - poverty, ethnicity, being a woman/ man - Im not sure how much of that was just an excuse for a poor outcome. Its whether you are effective empathic and crucially open and honest that really matters in my opinion??
Agree with the previous posts. Bit like saying you're a less effective social worker if you've never had mental health problems, don't have a long term disability or are not an older person etc etc etc?
As Emm has said, parents only know about 'their' experience of parenting. If anything, not having children might give a person a potentially more objective outlook?
presumably you were also a child once as well!
Ive never had this from colleagues but have from families, as in 'I bet you havent even got children have you'. Which I dont answer
i used to think that empathy and understanding was enough. It isnt.until you have had children and expereinced the unmatched tiredness, despair and confusion they bring you cannot possibly walk in their shoes. it isnt like sitting your finals and clubbing all weekend as someone recently compared it to. My mind changed dramatically after my first even more after my 3rd. SWs on the whole are middle class, young, have lived a protected life and child free. None of that in any way makes you even close to effective. The best I have met in the last 30 years are those who are parents, the worst childfree.
Hi I started off my social work career as a young, child free social worker and frequently faced similiar comments from professionals and families. I found patronising and annoying to say the least. I have since had a child, and my understanding of parenting has changed quite dramatically. However, I strongly believe you do not need to have children to have a good understanding of child development or understand the impact of trauma on children. Please continue to be positive and dont let these people affect your practice.
I wish you every sucess in your career.
The answer to your question is 'yes'. Next question?
Haha no but seriously, do we expect our surgeons to have had brain tumours before we allow them to operate on us? I would suggest that if you have a detailed knowledge of child development, attachment etc, approach your work with warmth and humanity, if you acknowledge the difficulties of being a parent (without necassarily having experienced it yourself) then your lack of children is not likely to be an issue for you or the service user. I am relatively young but have only been asked on one occasion by a client if I have children of my own and that was from a parent who rather kindly suggested that I should. (I dont, and dont ever want to!).
Another thing I'd like to throw out there is that many of colleagues who happen to be parents cannot relate (and quite rightly so) to many of our clients who abuse, neglect and harm their children. In many cases there is dysfunction in the parents we work with and Id be worried if my colleagues could identify with some of our clients.
I think having children, like any major life event, changes you as a person, and if you are a reflective practitioner can add another level to your understanding of parenthood. Experiencing the levels of tiredness of a new parent for instance is something hard to empathise with unless you've been through it, and I think, as a foster carer, living with a child with attachment disorder is something only really understood by other people in a similar position. However, I'd rather work with a SW who admits to being childless but is a good listener than one who claims to have experienced the same and have all the answers because they've worked in residential care - residential shifts are nothing like parenting. I don't think the Sw's role is necessarily to empathise and understand though -I'd be happy with a SW who didn't understand, but trusted me enough to fight for the resources I think would help me in certain situations, if that makes sense.
Just to explain further, I'm (sadly), not young and am definitely not middle-class or in the fortunate position to have lived a "protected life". I'm a middle-aged career-changer who has been childfree by choice all my life and am now, for obvious reasons, unable to have children.
All pretty predictable responses. You can disect it further. Have you ever been a mother/father? I think the most relevent comments would come from a SU forum.
Bet they would be very different, especially in the CP field where they would be seeking some form of mitigation for the circumstances that you couldn't possibly understand
It is a natural response to point out perceived failings in ones inquisitor. I believe it is something said, a defensive tactic, without having an actual impact on the SU SW relationship.
This is far more pertinent than what colleagues think. So all in all no worries.
We are all different, some of us will have children, others choose not to, others want to but are unable to, some of us are aunts, uncles, god parents, kinship carers, grandparents, some of us have lost children.
Our individual experiences of raising children will be varied. I have a single friend with a demanding career resulting in her baby being cared for by a full time nanny. (Sleepless nights will never be an issue for her!). I don't have children but spend more time with my godchildren then the above friend does with her own child.
But at the end of the day.. who are we each to judge? Being a parent will inevitably bring knowledge, skills and experience to the role. But I also think that those who don't have children get to see others parenting and can objectively compare and reflect on that without emotions taking over.
So, don't worry.. you really don't need to be a parent in your role!!
Shirack, I am a mother, and I stand by my post.
I might gain understanding of some things based on my experience of parenting, but I would not want to generalise about the experiences of others based on my own.
I have seen some very judgemental practitioners who are parents, and who judge the values and parenting styles of clients against their own, rather than against a wider social work value base.
Sorry Emm, you have lost me. One of us doesn't understand the others posting. My stance is it is not as relevant as some SUs would have you believe.
It's just as daft asking me if I know what PMT is like or PND or PND. I have not experianced any of the three but I have a vivid imagination.
You've lost me now, Shirack. Ah well. The sun is shining and it's a lovely day.
Emm, PMT= pre menstrual tension. PND= post natal depression.
redana: Emm, PMT= pre menstrual tension. PND= post natal depression.
I think that a parent who works as a SW is able to use their personal experience to help them with their field of work, if their work involves working with parents or children or both. Personal experience is not something that can be taught.
If you happen to work with a family that is in need of assistance, you are already aware of where your experience is limited. However there is still a family in need or at risk and there is still a job to be done. Social workers work as part of a team. I would think that you could ask for advice or suggestions from parents and learn and apply the advice in the future.
It seems unlikely that you would be asked to help a family that doesn't need some sort of assistance.
I found having children made it harder for me to be in child protection and I have spoken to others who have felt this too - made the suffering and powerlessness of children more real somehow.
Is it not true that any life experiences, having children, looking after an aged parent, having a friend or relative with a disability, suyffering a bereavement, can have a positive effect on your practice by giving you an element of added insight and isn't that pretty fantastic?
carer1: I found having children made it harder for me to be in child protection and I have spoken to others who have felt this too - made the suffering and powerlessness of children more real somehow. Is it not true that any life experiences, having children, looking after an aged parent, having a friend or relative with a disability, suyffering a bereavement, can have a positive effect on your practice by giving you an element of added insight and isn't that pretty fantastic?