I recently met some people with learning disabilites and, as with the rest of us, one of their main preoccupations and frustations was around how to start a relationship. As any fellow singleton will know this is highly difficult and even more so when you have learning disabilities and may have the difficulty of being accompanied by your personal assistant for many hours of the day. Apart from the much heralded London based dating agency for people with learning difficulties Stars in the Sky  http://www.starsinthesky.co.uk/ does anybody know of any other such services?

No but I remember us writing about a disco called Funky Feet specifically aimed at people with learning disabilities:-

http://www.communitycare.co.uk/Articles/2006/09/28/55836/funky-feet-a-disco-for-people-with-learning-difficulties-in-merton.html?key=DISCO%20AND%20MERTON

Thank you. I have cut and pasted the link to a social worker I know who was looking for somewhere for a client to go. The only place they had heard of was another club for people with learning difficulties called the Octopus club in New Cross, London. Their client recently went on holiday to Ibiza and is keen to go out in the UK.

Hi, you could try the 'Outsiders Club' - http://www.outsiders.org.uk/club I have not had any contact with them but it might be helpful for your friend's service user to make more social contacts. It looks as though it is based in London. The website has lots of info on it. Its a shame that there aren't more organisations like Stars in the Sky as it is clearly a need for lots of people with Learning Disabilities. There used to be a group run at Harperbury Hospital but I think they have closed it now due to funding problems. But it might be worth giving Harperbury a call.

Also it depends from borough to borough about good social events that go on to give people the opportunity to make friends in a more 'normal' environment than structured services. I don't know if there is anyway to contact people on the forum privately, but if that is possible, please let me know where the service user is located and I might be able to let you know of some good groups and events.

\many adults ( and children) with learning disability /intellectual disability are still being shunned by the wider community .Its either go to the same disco/club that everyone else with special needs goes to or go nowhere. Social care staff could be a bit more proactive in this area. Why shouldnt an adult with a learning issue just go down his local pub or nightclub? Why are they still being socialised in ancient drab centres that no one else wants to use?

You cant have community care unless you live in a community.

Some people with learning disabilities are just living in another institution within a community with little opportunity to have friends of their own choice.

 I think you're right - although I guess sometimes in the past people with disabilities have felt more comfortable in specialist settings because of discrimination in the wider community.

I agree with you both. I do think though that it will be a long time before people without learning disaiblities as a whole are accepting and respectful of others so that people with learning disabilities can enjoy being in 'non-need-specific' places, like the pub, without being in the spotlight as being different and often experiencing abuse. Perhaps this is why some people do prefer to be with other people with learning disabilities to feel more 'accepted'.  I also know some people with learning disabilities who deem their disability as important to be recognised and prefer to hang out with other people who have learning and other disabilities too. Things definitely seem to have improved for people with learning disabilities over the years but there is still a massive amount of work to be done. In a world where all types of abuse and discrimination still exist in all too large a quantity, do you ever think people with learning disabilities will truely be accepted as 'ordinary' by all of society? I am unsure.

You are right and in an ideal world it would be much better if people with learning disabilities could just go to normal clubs - I'm sure many do - but some may like to go to nights specially organised for them as it is probably less threatening.

Hi, I did a half a placement at a day service for adults with physical disabilities and learning disabilities. I brought up at a staff meeting that there was not any literature on sexual matters and relationships on the unit for the clients. This caused quite a stir with staff divided on if it would be a good or bad thing. Appropriate literature was then brought in. This and working as an advocate for adults with learning disabilities in supported housing made me feel that it is the attitude of some people that are involved with supporting adults with learning disabilities that has to change. I started work years ago in the old type large institutitons and felt that the smaller homes can resemble the older institutions but on a smaller scale. Are many people prepared to support people with learning disabilities to have relationships after they have met someone they like?

You are so right when you say that some staff employed to support people with intellectual/learning disability have unfortunate attidudes. I believe that this is because many dont have any specific training on learning disabilities. I work with staff who wont take the people they support into town or on buses..........because its too busy (allegedly) yet the people we support love these activities.They are taken to shopping centres filled with old ladies and use taxis everywhere (apart from being an unecessary expence) which severely limits their life experiences. Until organisations actually train their staff appropriately there will always be the risk of  mini institutions in the community.

I agree that some staff are at fault but some parents and carers also don't help the situation casgating workers for allowing their children to do things that they see as too risky -  such as going into town. While parents and cares remain over protective, not accepting that risk is a part of everyone's lives - otherwise none of us would ever do anything, this is likley to filter down to staff in some areas.

Some parents can be over protective and not only those with children with disabilities. It can be frightening as a parent to see your off spring spreading their wings. Some of the older parents have shocking stories to tell about how they recieved the news that their baby/child was "different" including being told that he/she would probably die young, never walk and talk or go to the toilet unaided and the only place for them was an institution.Many parents also have unresolved issues with guilt . Paid professionals on the other hand have standards to attain and maintain. They are not burdened with the emotional and social implications of having a disabled child/adult. The staff members I referred to work with adults with intellectual/learning disabilities who have minimal if any input from families.