first, sorry about my english and spelling and everything
so I met a girl today, a teenage girl, the problem was that she did barely speak at all.
I was asking questions but she said yes or no, not much more than that
I was very difficult to make her talk about her life and so I have problems to understand her and reach to her
How can you deal with a situation like this? try some kind of joke or tell her that she has to explain more about her life. I did not really know what I should do so I just kept going but I did not get so much information about her.
and one other thing, how can you stop thinking about work when you are going home
SUPERVISION
Are you a student or a social worker? Either way, these are the sort of issues to use supervision to discuss.
You can't tell someone that they have to talk to you, particularly a vulnerable teenager. It's about building engagement and a relationship with them, this can take a bit of time. Maybe she felt uncertain what might happen next if she did tell you things. You have to be as transparent as possible re confidentiality and repercussions for disclosure. Please talk to whoever supervises you.
don't ask questions.
Dhoni
What is your role?
I am a qualified social worker in Sweden. I have only been working for 6 months.
I am working with children and young people 0-20 years
Core skill of UK social work is communication and engagement. Do some research on this and build your evidence base. There is a mountain of it.
If you are getting yes no answers, you must be using closed questions. Try using what, where, how, why and who rather than is it, are you, do you etc.
Do not tell a joke for heavens sake.
Surely you can ask how can you help, what is going on for her, if she had a magic wand what would she like to change right now (1 thing).
I might be getting a bit Rupert M (which is no bad thing) but if you do not know the answers to the basics, step aside and let someone who knows what they are doing have a go. MKaybe the work you are being asked to undertake is too complex for your skillset at this point and thats ok aswell.
Hello Dhoni...do not despair...try to find an activity based approach....used to be called life space interviewing...anyone rember that....where you engage in some sort of joint activity which can then become a vehicle for communication...try and adopt a person centred approach where you don't ask questions but reflect on what you're being told with particular regard to inflection or what you pick up from body language. ......and remember it takes time...you are not failing
Is it appropriate for her 'confidentiality' to be respected?
Does she know / understand why you are involved?
What are the 'presenting' issues with this girl?
What do you know about her life history?
Does she appear to be depressed?
Is school concerned?
What does her immediate family feel is 'wrong' (subject to confidentiality issues)?
What are her interests / what is she good at?
Does she present as 'ill' in any way?
thanks for your advice
Boxerdog: Hello Dhoni...do not despair...try to find an activity based approach....used to be called life space interviewing...anyone rember that....where you engage in some sort of joint activity which can then become a vehicle for communication...try and adopt a person centred approach where you don't ask questions but reflect on what you're being told with particular regard to inflection or what you pick up from body language. ......and remember it takes time...you are not failing
Touche..and hats off to you
i did not understand that joke. can someone explain
Dhoni, realistically would you tell your whole life story to a stranger you just met? Particularly if you had a difficult history? And even more if they appear to press you to speak about things you'd rather keep to yourself? I am not sure what your role is, but are we speaking maybe of a girl with learning difficulties or communication impairment as well on top of everything? Are there any immigration or cultural issues? Also nobody likes to go over and over the same thing again - have you made sure you knew what she had already told other workers in both your agency and the other agencies?
I like very much to work with teenagers, but they do take a lot of patience, persistence, good sense of humour and they need to be persuaded that you genuinely have an interest in themselves as people not just service users. I never shied away from a joke when it was appropriate, many teenagers find it less intimidating to speak about themselves in a "take the mickey" manner, but this takes a bit of experience and unless you feel very confident in using humour I would stay away from it for now, until you do have a good relationship with the girl. If you are a Swedish worker employed in the UK I appreciate you would have cultural issues to manage - I've been there, it took me many years to "get" things that my colleagues took for granted. But don;t despair, there is light at the end of the tunnel and with hard work and persistence you will get there.
I also fully agree with what others before me have said, make sure that the young person knows why you are there, why you need to know the things that you were asking, what you would do with the information and who would have access to it, it most cases I advise the young person they do not have to talk to me if they don;t want to but I cannot keep them safe/help make their life better unless I know certain things.
It might also be that she took a dislike to you. Not uncommon, happened to all of us. Nothing you can do about it, except work hard to earn the trust of the young person - it happened to me recently and the nicest thing a young person said to me was to tell me she had been wrong about me when we first met and that she will miss me.
i agree with last post from RP , it does take a lot of patience time and skill to forge a relationship/ communication with many service users , and as you say after many contacts it may seem that no headway has been made , you really cant put a timescale or expectation on these kind of things. you often find there is a period from some people of being judged by them to find out if you are genuine and also feel they can trust you.
Not enough information to give speculative advice on the first part of your query.
With regards to switching off this can't be a concious effort as you will drift back.
Don't fight it just be aware of the percentage of time spent on work thoughts.
If it gets too much look out for stress symptoms.
Good social life and plenty of booze is my advice to you.
(Only communication tip I would venture would be a trip in a car where eye contact is not required, or in your case a sleighride. Other one would be; is there a gender issue?)
How old is your girl and are you assessing quickly or making an long term intervention? as it makes a very big difference
Sometimes children who talk alot can be harder to work with than quiet ones. But it is difficult as a worker as one has to be comfortable with oneself. Silence is ok if you're ok with it.
Lots of good advice in this thread.
I'd reflect on whether you felt she was unwilling to talk to you or just uncomfortable with that type of communication. I'm remembering a SU who was described to me as monosyllabic (ie. yes and no answers) who really came to life when I gave her some paper and encouraged her to draw an ecomap, drawing/ writing really worked better for her as a means of expression.
something is wrong with this forum because I wrote something maybe 7 hours ago and still it is not in the thread
tomorrow i will ask for advice on another case I have been thinking about almost 24/7 the last couple of weeks
Shirack:plenty of booze is my advice to you.
Do not do this and then follow the next bit of advice; to drive your car with the young person for the non-eye contact.
Seems like it's all been said re engagement with young person. Talk to her firstly - unconditional positive regard etc.
Re switching off when you go home, previous suggestion - lots of booze may work, though that tends to wear off in the early hours and leave you wakeful and worried. It will also lead to an alcohol problem in the long term. There are loads of alcoholic social workers.
More healthy perhaps, Relaxation, visualisation, hypnosis and off load on some one - a buddy at work maybe? I'm fortunate enough to have a workplace counselling service which I sometimes call at the end of a difficult day just to vent some emotion. It beats kicking the cat! Experience will help too.
drinking alcohol is not an option for me on a normal friday night.
I dont drink alcohol at all during the cold and dark winter months.
Dhoni: drinking alcohol is not an option for me on a normal friday night. I dont drink alcohol at all during the cold and dark winter months.
Me neither; and careful not to turn to cake either-lots of social workers are addicted.
thanks for all the advice. this turned out to be a good thread
Dhoni: i did not understand that joke. can someone explain
The joke is that it is a budget and performance indicator led approach these days.
Sooooo.................If you can recall a person centred approach it means you must be old.