Hello,
I usually 'lurk' on this forum happily reading other people's posts and have found it quite entertaining! However, I guess there has been an issue on my mind for a little while now and wondered what other people thought about it. I am a social work student who is an introvert and despite being very sociable when I want/have to be, when at home I like to take time out and be alone or be a small group of close friends to sort of recharge. I guess I am looking to find out how other introverts find social work and maybe a bit about their experiences?
Thanks,
Markus
Well i would say that in your work role as a social worker then being introvert isnt going to help you a great deal, but then nor would being overly extrovert. A balance is something maybe you should strive to maintain. When your at home or with friends be how you like. I find that when in work i find my attitude and personal change very very slightly so im a little less extrovert than i normaly am. I'm sure you will find a balance in your work life
Oh and hello by the way
"We speak, and the word goes out beyond us, to consequences and ends which we had not conceived of." - Gadamer
Hello Ardra,
Thanks for your reply. When working I definitely put my professional hat on and I am friendly and chatty with colleagues and people who use services. I think everyone brings different strengths to their roles rooted in their personalities and what interests me is how people sort of experience practising social work. Can I ask what sort of service do you work in and what drew you to that role? Haha, sounds like an interview question! :D
M
Markus:Hello Ardra
Oh so close Marcus
Markus:When working I definitely put my professional hat on and I am friendly and chatty with colleagues and people who use services.
There you go sounds like you have the right idea already.
Markus:Can I ask what sort of service do you work in and what drew you to that role? Haha, sounds like an interview question! :D
I'm a student on my last placement on a Youth Offending Team, and I was drawn to it because it has a facinating client group, a fast paced case turnover and i find the criminal justice system very interesting. As for other interview questions....that gap in my C.V. is because i was traveling, my greatest weakness is im a perfectionist, and in five years i see myself on a boat....
I'm like you, I can be sociable and bubbly at work but at home I like nothing more than to chill out, whether that be on my own or with close friends and family, but I wouldn't describe myself as an introvert. in fact i'm not even sure what the definition of an introvert is, i'll google it....
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/introvert
I dont fit that description
when I was on placement there was a SW on the team who hardly spoke to her collegues, she used to go home every lunchtime to keep her cats company and she had no friends. at xmas we were doing the xmas santa and she got a huge pair of knickers with 'merry xmas' on them, failed to see the funny side and sulked for days
That definition is a shallow. Just because you are introvert doesn't mean you aren't sociable...what it means to me is that I enjoy being with people but it is essential to me that I have my 'downtime' doing things that are just for me like reading a book or going for a walk by myself.
Do you think your colleague may have felt undervalued or perhaps ostracised by the team? That she felt as though she couldn't be part of it becase she wasn't included? Just some thoughts...
It's not my definition, but it kinda fits with my perception of an introvert....
Have no idea if the SW felt undervalued or ostracised by the team, I didn't pick up on anything untoward. She was always invited to social events
I'm like you, Markus, in that I enjoy being with people and am sociable, but I also need my time alone and space to be quiet and recharge my batteries too.
I don't particularly put on a professional hat for work in terms of my personality or 'sociableness' (is that a word?!), but I do in terms of confidence maybe, when I'm constantly meeting new people.
No idea whether I'd be classified as an introvert/ extrovert- I think I'd probably come right in the middle between the two.
there is nothing worse than an extroverted and excitable colleague.NOTHING WORSE i tell ye.
I don't like that story about the merry xmas knickers or whatevr it was. That's bullying I'm afraid and sounds quite nasty.
titchmagoo: there is nothing worse than an extroverted and excitable colleague.NOTHING WORSE i tell ye.
I can imagine
esti: I don't like that story about the merry xmas knickers or whatevr it was. That's bullying I'm afraid and sounds quite nasty.
bullying????
My version of bullying is very different than yours. It was a bit of fun at christmas, believe it or not that's what secret santa is all about :)
hi,
i think i'm probably quite introverted but i think this actually can help social workers in a way, as this means we are often more likely to think about the situation more and be cautious rather than just jumping in. we are often more reflective, more empathetic and definitely more sensitive and compassionate!
the main problem is i suppose that in social work you sometimes have to be quite assertive and speak your mind otherwise people can walk over you. that's something i am learning fast!!
ellencherrycharles: hi, i think i'm probably quite introverted but i think this actually can help social workers in a way, as this means we are often more likely to think about the situation more and be cautious rather than just jumping in. we are often more reflective, more empathetic and definitely more sensitive and compassionate!
compared to who?
do you work for s/w pr?
Hi,
I used to think I was an extrovert but, over the last few years when I found myself having difficulties in my relationships with people I have come to realise I am much more introverted than I thought.
I have recently started my work placement and have chosen to be a lot quieter and more reserved and, I have to say the response has been over whelmingly more positive than I have previously encountered.
I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on how I project myself and also through counselling as I had reached a point where various other things were impacting hugely on me but relationships with others became a large part of what we worked on.
There are enough people in my office who are extroverts and I enjoy observing and joining in on conversation but without the need for me to be extrovert. I have found that being quieter I really listen to people more and it also means that people spend time finding out about me rather than me puttingit all on show so to speak.
With service users I have no issue in challenging them where necessary and setting boundaries is no problem. Other professionals have given me positive feedback on my presentation so I feel confident that I am building relationships postively.
I don't know if I have really got the whole introvert/extrovert question but I know a change in approach has worked for me personally. It was a difficult process and painful at times reviewing how you interact with others but for me it has been true revelation and I am so much happier both in and out of work.
Hi Markus, i think social work is a really accepting profession. We meet such different people in our day to day lives that we need to be able to adjust to communicate with them, put them at ease etc. I use to be a bit shy, when i was doing my sw training (many moons ago) and i remember putting it as a weakness in a SWOT analysis. My personal tutor (who has now gone on to write some really good sw books) called me a side and helped me to understand that this could be a great strenghth also. I guess soe of the shyness soon wore off when i met with reality and mgrs were trying to fire cases at me, right left and centre. I had to become more assertive!! I hope you get on fine, i am sure you will. Life on a boat sounds great though. take care Geraldine
jelly_tot04: esti: I don't like that story about the merry xmas knickers or whatevr it was. That's bullying I'm afraid and sounds quite nasty. bullying???? My version of bullying is very different than yours. It was a bit of fun at christmas, believe it or not that's what secret santa is all about :)
Definitely classic bullying - bullies tend to see their bullying as 'fun' - hope I don't work in a team that treats colleagues in this way - whatever happened to social work values??
CreamSoda: Definitely classic bullying - bullies tend to see their bullying as 'fun' - hope I don't work in a team that treats colleagues in this way - whatever happened to social work values??
So the person who got the nipple tassles and the other person who got the chocolate body paint (to name but a few) were also bullied then??
IMHO it's a bit of fun at christmas, and if you dont have a sense of humour then hey no one's forcing you to partake
jelly_tot04: CreamSoda: Definitely classic bullying - bullies tend to see their bullying as 'fun' - hope I don't work in a team that treats colleagues in this way - whatever happened to social work values?? So the person who got the nipple tassles and the other person who got the chocolate body paint (to name but a few) were also bullied then?? IMHO it's a bit of fun at christmas, and if you dont have a sense of humour then hey no one's forcing you to partake
Of course secret santa is fun when it's in good humour; from the tone of your posts it seems that your colleague was clearly the object of ridicule for the rest of the office - maybe she felt she was in a no-win situation - damned if she joined in or if she didn't.
just about anything can be taken offensively or as bullying if you set out to be offended or want to find offensive actions/behaviour. in the secret santa once i gave a colleague a pass your advanced driving test manual (she told me how much she enjoyed driving and hoped to be an insrtuctor one day). she complained bitterly that someone was having a dig at her driving skills and went off on one.
depends how fragile your ego is most of the time.
I think it depends on how included you are in the general company most of the time. Anyone can take a huff and go off on one when they are normally part of the group and fit in fine but I think if someone is not really part of the group and becomes subject of ridicule then that's bullying.
I guess this brings us back to the original theme of this thread; if someone is an introvert and doesn't feel the need to be the centre of attention, constantly seeking out the social stimulation of others, surely this should be respected and valued as they are obviously choosy about who they call a friend.
Its been interesting looking at the comments on this issue. Possibly in the fact of seeing who has 'a go' at who and their (un)justified reasons to do so. The only conclusion I can see is if your introvert or extravert WHO CARES AS LONG AS YOU DO A GOOD JOB!!!
Just thought I'd share.
There's a place for everyone, and there should be. We are all individuals and that's what makes human beings with all their characteristics so fascinating. The value base of social work is respect and the right to self-determination and individuation.
JBD, just read your other thread on the person who sang hymns etc outside people's doors and while I'm not decrying the reasons she did it - oh it did make me smile as did Stuart Sorenson's comment on another thread where management cautioned a SW who was being stalked that it was ok as they were insured against death.
Let's always find room for humour.
Mary Brady: Let's always find room for humour.
amen to that.great advice.
Hi there,
I'm a 3rd year BA student on my final placement and I'm definitely an introvert. (I'm an INFP on the Myers-Briggs test if anyone's interested).
I know people have good intentions saying that everyone is valued. This is true!
BUT as an introvert, I find my current placement TOUGH! I'm part of a busy Community Mental Health Team, with 25 people on our team alone, meeting other professionals daily, and of course engaging with service users and carers. As an introvert, I'm energised by my internal world and drained by stimulation, and so I've found this more difficult than I expected. I feel like an introvert living in an extrovert world, and obviously there is a lot of pressure to 'perform'. It's like writing with my left hand all day - I can do it, but it takes more energy and effort. (I feel like a lot of people find it hard to understand how us innies function - and our society values outties more too!)
Some of the things that I have found helpful are travel time (ahhhhh, dreaming alone on the bus for 10 minutes - helps to recharge my batteries), going outside for lunch when no one on my team so much as leaves the office for a fag break (I adamantly believe that a break is important!)... being able to organise my own diary helps too, feeling like I have a bit of control over my time and who I see... I try to organise my time in the week so that I won't run out of energy - spacing heavy appointments out and giving myself gaps between sessions so that I can do paperwork in between and have a cup of tea! Supervision helps me too - because in supervision I connect one on one and it's not other-centered. (And I find my practice teacher very helpful). I have to admit, once I even disappeared and went and sat in the hospital chapel next door for 15 minutes after I had a heavy morning.
Some of the things I find hard as an introvert are:
- A lack of predictability in the day. I can deal with telephone interruptions, but I find it stressful wondering sometimes what will happen that day. Will X's sick pay come through? Will I have a new assessment thrown at me? WIll I be asked last-minute to accompany a colleague on a home visit? Interruptions can be stressful! (I think this goes for all personality types at times).
- The bussle of the office: I would be much more productive in my own office/cubby hole in silence! Sometimes it's information-overload when people tell you about their cases, ask you questions, innterrupt you with tasks, and tell you how much they saved on their wellies at tescos... sometimes I just don't care! However I am glad of these same colleagues because conversely, they support me when I need people to informally debrief with!
Overall, I don't actually think that social work is a fantastic career for certain types of introverts. INFPs (from the MBPI) are often advised that social work would be a great career for them but I am not convinced at all... I thrived in my previous placement at a small but important voluntary agency - still doing difficult, intense work, but with a much smaller office and a lot less 'noise' and bussle. I would like to try to find a similar position when I qualify if possible.
I know that answer is pretty long, but I hoped that it might help somebody at some point.... Let me know what you think!
:)
ukstudent: I feel like an introvert living in an extrovert world, and obviously there is a lot of pressure to 'perform'. It's like writing with my left hand all day - I can do it, but it takes more energy and effort. (I feel like a lot of people find it hard to understand how us innies function - and our society values outties more too!) Some of the things that I have found helpful are travel time (ahhhhh, dreaming alone on the bus for 10 minutes - helps to recharge my batteries), going outside for lunch when no one on my team so much as leaves the office for a fag break (I adamantly believe that a break is important!)... being able to organise my own diary helps too, feeling like I have a bit of control over my time and who I see... I try to organise my time in the week so that I won't run out of energy - spacing heavy appointments out and giving myself gaps between sessions so that I can do paperwork in between and have a cup of tea! Supervision helps me too - because in supervision I connect one on one and it's not other-centered. (And I find my practice teacher very helpful). I have to admit, once I even disappeared and went and sat in the hospital chapel next door for 15 minutes after I had a heavy morning.
I feel like an introvert living in an extrovert world, and obviously there is a lot of pressure to 'perform'. It's like writing with my left hand all day - I can do it, but it takes more energy and effort. (I feel like a lot of people find it hard to understand how us innies function - and our society values outties more too!)
I am also an introvert so a lot of what you say resonates with me. My natural tendency is to reflect and scored very highly as a reflector on the learning style questionnaire. The unis claim the social work learning experience is a reflective one but I didn't really find it so. I tend to find that as a reflector it is initially harder to 'make my mark' in teams, due to me being neither extrovert nor pragmatist/activist. I am aware I can come across as quiet and maybe not a dynamic worker however I feel I bring my own qualities to my social work practice with service users and team. My experience as a worker in social work (and other roles) means that I know my contributions are as valid as other team members and that I have fitted in well with others. I think it's hard for reflectors tho' esp at the starts of jobs and probably worse as a student because of the pressure to meet outcomes and get on in a short period of time. One thing I did during my training (and still do) was to identify my reflector and introvert tendencies and to 'challenge' them by not only using these qualities in my working life but to 'encourage' my pragmatic side (which is quite dormant naturally) . I have also used similar coping mechanisms as you during the working day including leaving the office as a student to go and sit outside for 15mins to get some thinking time.
I there is a place for introverts in social work as we make good reflective practitioners.
Is there a place for human beings in the social working professions, yes.
Try a Carl Jung and Isabel Briggs Myers 'test' to gain insight into self and the illogical nature of splitting self into intro extro binary nonsense.
Hi UK Student
I also did quite a bit of Myers Briggs and was/am INFP.
Nowadays I doubt very much if that is an easy profile for social work. I'd say the ideal is ESTJ. There are lots of them in social work management.
The work is so "evidence" based, eg what's actually in someone's fridge. What is the child wearing. Etc etc.
Then the need to make decisions, be logical, tick boxes, focus, etc. And really nowadays caring is faintly suspect in my experience. It's for wimps.
I happen to think it is why social work is such a mess now, and so much of what we do is busy work to make the department
look OK on paper. (Assessments completed on time, hurray!)
However there are plusses to being an introvert. Not getting caught up in the whole system, having independence of mind and heart, and
having an awareness of what your own values are. A sense of humour is absolutely vital! Some areas of social work might be easier for us introverts.
Of course universities could screen applicants and rule out the inner directed, visionary types who might occasionally offer a bit of real leadership and inspiration instead of a bean counting, knuckle rapping approach to the profession.
And of course all "types" are needed, as Myers Briggs were at pains to point on, and none is better than another.
Thanks for raising the topic and for your tips on surviviing!
Keeping in mind that the terms 'introverted' and 'extroverted' are both unhelpfully simplistic and socially constructed:
I am more 'introverted' than 'extroverted' (although like most people can be either depending on situation etc) and I've come to realise some things about these aspects of myself and my working practice -
- I enjoy the fast paced interactions and communications at work, but it can leave me exhausted mentally. I need space to 'decompress' at home in my own company. I have to take care that this need for some time to myself outside of work does not interfere with my personal and social life
- While I make very good working relationships with my colleagues I will never be the most 'popular' person in the office as while I make an effort to get on with everyone and be an effective team player I will tend to keep to myself a little bit. That has pros and cons.
- That small 'distance' I think helps me to deal with work related stress. I rarely 'take my work home with me' in the form of worry (although it happens occasionally)
I've described the above to show that whether we are more 'introverted' or 'extroverted' the best thing is to learn about ourselves - how we work, how we take care of ourselves and how we find balance.
Also - don't confuse 'introversion' with shyness / social anxiety. They are different. I may be 'introverted' to a degree but I am not shy. Most people describe me as confident.
If a prospective social worker felt that they were 'shy' then I would suggest that they need to do some thinking and working on this as social work is not an area of work that can support a practitioner being shy or socially anxious. I'm not talking about the 'normal' bits of nerves or worry that we all might get e.g. going into an interview or difficult meeting with the boss etc, but if someone is so shy that they find it hard to interact with colleagues etc.
Anyway excuse me for the above waffle; it's the wine.
Selks: Keeping in mind that the terms 'introverted' and 'extroverted' are both unhelpfully simplistic and socially constructed: I am more 'introverted' than 'extroverted' (although like most people can be either depending on situation etc) and I've come to realise some things about these aspects of myself and my working practice - - I enjoy the fast paced interactions and communications at work, but it can leave me exhausted mentally. I need space to 'decompress' at home in my own company. I have to take care that this need for some time to myself outside of work does not interfere with my personal and social life - While I make very good working relationships with my colleagues I will never be the most 'popular' person in the office as while I make an effort to get on with everyone and be an effective team player I will tend to keep to myself a little bit. That has pros and cons. - That small 'distance' I think helps me to deal with work related stress. I rarely 'take my work home with me' in the form of worry (although it happens occasionally) I've described the above to show that whether we are more 'introverted' or 'extroverted' the best thing is to learn about ourselves - how we work, how we take care of ourselves and how we find balance. Also - don't confuse 'introversion' with shyness / social anxiety. They are different. I may be 'introverted' to a degree but I am not shy. Most people describe me as confident. If a prospective social worker felt that they were 'shy' then I would suggest that they need to do some thinking and working on this as social work is not an area of work that can support a practitioner being shy or socially anxious. I'm not talking about the 'normal' bits of nerves or worry that we all might get e.g. going into an interview or difficult meeting with the boss etc, but if someone is so shy that they find it hard to interact with colleagues etc. Anyway excuse me for the above waffle; it's the wine.
excellent post and completely agree on every single point
romeo2001: Selks: Keeping in mind that the terms 'introverted' and 'extroverted' are both unhelpfully simplistic and socially constructed: I am more 'introverted' than 'extroverted' (although like most people can be either depending on situation etc) and I've come to realise some things about these aspects of myself and my working practice - - I enjoy the fast paced interactions and communications at work, but it can leave me exhausted mentally. I need space to 'decompress' at home in my own company. I have to take care that this need for some time to myself outside of work does not interfere with my personal and social life - While I make very good working relationships with my colleagues I will never be the most 'popular' person in the office as while I make an effort to get on with everyone and be an effective team player I will tend to keep to myself a little bit. That has pros and cons. - That small 'distance' I think helps me to deal with work related stress. I rarely 'take my work home with me' in the form of worry (although it happens occasionally) I've described the above to show that whether we are more 'introverted' or 'extroverted' the best thing is to learn about ourselves - how we work, how we take care of ourselves and how we find balance. Also - don't confuse 'introversion' with shyness / social anxiety. They are different. I may be 'introverted' to a degree but I am not shy. Most people describe me as confident. If a prospective social worker felt that they were 'shy' then I would suggest that they need to do some thinking and working on this as social work is not an area of work that can support a practitioner being shy or socially anxious. I'm not talking about the 'normal' bits of nerves or worry that we all might get e.g. going into an interview or difficult meeting with the boss etc, but if someone is so shy that they find it hard to interact with colleagues etc. Anyway excuse me for the above waffle; it's the wine. excellent post and completely agree on every single point
I definitely agree that there is room in social work for everyone. I, too, am an introvert. Assessment, after all, is a lot about listening. We do make good reflective practitioners. Being quiet does not mean unassertive. I would add that I find I need to be sure that I take the time, when I get home, to be quiet for a while and wind down. My partner is quite a talker and has had to learn to let me be quiet for a bit as it is this that makes me feel stressed more than actually being in the work situation. Hope that makes sense.
Introversion doesn't have to mean anti social. I prefer to go out with a small group of f riends. I actively avoid large and noisy groups. And the Christmas meal out too, I'm afraid. I just prefer a calm, ordered environment, and yes, my desk is very tidy!
I've only just seen this thread and find the content really interesting. I carry out Myers Briggs assessments and also train social workers and managers.
Myers Briggs is often accused of "putting people in boxes", but, properly used, it actually does entirely the opposite! The MS approach is based on that of Jung, who identified several 'dichotomies' that indicate preferences we have as to how we make sense of and relate to the world - one of these is extraverting/ introverting. The MB approach is that we all have a preference (the emphasis is on the word preference) as to how we interact within the 4 identified dichotomies. By being more aware of our own preferences, we are able to understand how we 'naturally' make sense of the world (people who prefer to introvert will often want to consider things more in their'inner world', whereas those preferring extraverting will tend to want to bounce ideas off other people, 'get their ideas out there etc. for example) and, crucially, how other people do so and the differences/ clashes this can produce - it leads to a greater appreciation of other people's preferences.
As for the "boxes" - Jung's (and MB) approach was to say that the main part of our growth and development as people is to explore our preferences and to become more skilled in operating in the 'other' side of the spectrum - i.e. to get out of our boxes!
I realise the above may sound like an academic lecture, but the implications are huge for social work practice - we learn to see much of other people's approaches not as being awkward or obstructive, but potentially as simply their 'natural' or preferred way of interacting - lots of implications for working with service users, colleagues and other agencies here.
In my own work, I have become much more conscious of the need to take account of other people's MB preferences, not only in my MB work itself, but also in areas such as designing and delivering training - I need to give people a chance to reflect and consider as well as having lots of 'here and now' interaction during training sessions. Many of the posts above highlight the simple but crucial differences in the way we view the world (not all MB related) - a greater understanding of these can really help not only our own self awareness, but also in really understanding other people's perspectives and stories - both pretty crucial in social care setting.
A final word of caution - beware settling for easy stereotypes of: "introverts do this....are all like this" etc. - in my experience lots of other factors mean that it is a whole deal more compicated than this - then again, that's what makes people so endlessly interesting and human!
Shirack: romeo2001: Selks: Keeping in mind that the terms 'introverted' and 'extroverted' are both unhelpfully simplistic and socially constructed: I am more 'introverted' than 'extroverted' (although like most people can be either depending on situation etc) and I've come to realise some things about these aspects of myself and my working practice - - I enjoy the fast paced interactions and communications at work, but it can leave me exhausted mentally. I need space to 'decompress' at home in my own company. I have to take care that this need for some time to myself outside of work does not interfere with my personal and social life - While I make very good working relationships with my colleagues I will never be the most 'popular' person in the office as while I make an effort to get on with everyone and be an effective team player I will tend to keep to myself a little bit. That has pros and cons. - That small 'distance' I think helps me to deal with work related stress. I rarely 'take my work home with me' in the form of worry (although it happens occasionally) I've described the above to show that whether we are more 'introverted' or 'extroverted' the best thing is to learn about ourselves - how we work, how we take care of ourselves and how we find balance. Also - don't confuse 'introversion' with shyness / social anxiety. They are different. I may be 'introverted' to a degree but I am not shy. Most people describe me as confident. If a prospective social worker felt that they were 'shy' then I would suggest that they need to do some thinking and working on this as social work is not an area of work that can support a practitioner being shy or socially anxious. I'm not talking about the 'normal' bits of nerves or worry that we all might get e.g. going into an interview or difficult meeting with the boss etc, but if someone is so shy that they find it hard to interact with colleagues etc. Anyway excuse me for the above waffle; it's the wine. excellent post and completely agree on every single point Not so sure about the shy bit as long as it can be overcome. Shy people are sensitive which, to me is the foundation of SW.
Your right - definitely agree about sensitivity. Also IMO a lot of service users issues come from shyness and their attempts to deal with it/ cover it up.
Something of relevance to the OP is I know a friend of mine had to repeat his placement after having complaints made against him because he didnt interact with colleagues and Im certain that his reason was that he was shy (tho he had absolutely no prob standing up in front of a group and doing prsentations or holding meetings etc so maybe he was introverted after all ?) In light of this thread that seems rather oppressive!
jelly_tot04: when I was on placement there was a SW on the team who hardly spoke to her collegues, she used to go home every lunchtime to keep her cats company and she had no friends. at xmas we were doing the xmas santa and she got a huge pair of knickers with 'merry xmas' on them, failed to see the funny side and sulked for days
See nowt wrong in someone looking out for their pets in their own time, in fact is that not caring, a somewhat desirable quality in a SW? A colleague of mine who is the life and soul (read into that what you will) goes home every lunch time to feed and walk her dog. Even she says it's good sometimes to get out of the office and take a break, think it's really important in SW too when it can be emotionally draining.
It's all personal choice at the end and a work/life balance is what we're all striving for, is it not? Some people experiencing social anxiety may find lunch break situations overwhelming; alternatively perhaps your colleague couldn't stand the rest of the team (it happens!) and preferred to have time out of the office, the cats being a perfect 'reason' to give rather than saying i can't stand you all!
And I agree re: secret santa, I would have been mortified to receive those knickers (you say huge knicks, maybe your colleague is feeling sensitive about her size), and especially if I was in a team where for whatever reason I kept myself to myself. There's swings and roundabouts in 'just having a laugh' but you have to be really, really sure you know the recipient and the general atmosphere your team's secret santa takes. Fair enough if nipple tassles have been staple presents in previous years and that this particular colleague is aware of that - she could always opt out then if jokey gifts aren't her thing - but you do need to be careful to ensure you're not harrassing/taking the p' out of this woman.