Social Skirmishes

● One problem being a famous student is putting up with the attentions of non-famous students. A philosophy student, whom I shall call David “Juke Box” Drury, is all the meaning of life and Russell Brand hair. One lunchtime before term ended he collared me in the refectory just as I got my skinny cappo and started banging on about quantum mechanics (I think he wants to be a Kwik Fit fitter – how exhausting), and that he would welcome a discussion with me on Casualty. (Being more a Holby City girl I declined.)

Another, Miles “Creepy” Crawley, who is doing history, is a real sweetie who has been just so in love with me ever since he saw me on the telly (I appeared in the reality TV show Thick and Thin on the Discovery Channel, the highest rating show ever at 1am on Tuesdays, seeing as you asked).

Miles is dead clever. He knew that the English Civil War took place between 1642 and 1651. (Wasn’t it fab that wars back then were so short that everyone could be home in time for tea? Apart from those who died, of course.)

But he knows nothing of what I dub “real life”. For example, he thought Prada was a Russian newspaper; that Gucci was an ex- England and Essex cricket captain; that Donna Karan was a Turkish delicacy! That’s why he would never make a good social worker. He just doesn’t understand what real people care about.

● Rosie Warlock is back from holiday next week

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