Community Clairvoyance the alternative horoscope for social workers

Cancer (Jun 23 – Jul 23)

This month you will find love. It may even be right under your nose. Just pray its not that pesky client who keeps asking you out as you know he’s a bit old for you at 88. There could be other surprises of a romantic kind round the corner perhaps within your own team. Don’t hesitate when the offer comes your way.

Leo (Jul 24 – Aug 23)

Draw a deep breath, look around and stand tall, you’re feeling on top of your game. The Sun is in your sign along with Mars. No challenge is too great: late assessments, court cases, difficult family dramas, eligibility arguments you can handle it all. But the induction on the new protocols for interagency toolkits – that might be just too boring.

Virgo (Aug 24 – Sep 23)

You keep losing the office’s copy of the national dementia strategy – or are the rest of your team hiding it, just to worry you?

Libra (Sep 24 – Oct 23)

Close friends have let you down big timethey’ll soon realise that you can live without them but they will find it difficult without you. More fool them! Now start having some well-earned fun! Book an adventurous holidaythink Thelma and Louise – without the ending but with the Brad Pitt bit.

Scorpio (Oct 24 – Nov 22)

Graduation beckons. If all goes well with the exams, you will soon be exiting the social work school with a degree under your arm. Well done, you have a few weeks of freedom before a life of work and misery.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 21)

Time to think about work overseas as you didn’t get the manager’s job. Your colleagues suggest Zimbabwe. Social workers from that country have worked in the UK so “wouldn’t it be nice to return the favour”, they chime. Are they trying to tell you something?

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 20)

The ballot on strikes over local government pay is a “yes” result and it’s summer time – you won’t even need a brazier! Being an argumentative old goat, you relish the chance to intimidate people you don’t like who say they will work through the strike.

Aquarius (Jan 21 – Feb 19)

You’ve learned more in this past year since the split than you have in the time since doing your social work diploma. Single life can be interesting, to say the least! A night out in the middle of the month could lead to more. A surprise break is also on the cards who knows where you’ll be going or with whom but somewhere HOT!

Pisces (Feb 20 – Mar 20)

Venus is transcending the cusp of the astrological houses of power and wealth while Neptune is popping in and out of Pisces quite a bit. Watch out for people with red underpants – they may not be all that they seem. But try checking discreetly or you may end up in trouble.

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 20)

The month will see big ructions in the office about funding, important arguments on procedure, necessary debates on how the team goes forward. More people are taking holidays over the summer and, now you’ve got the locums in, who is going to buy the tea and coffee?

Taurus (Apr 21 – May 21)

Not another meeting, dear Taurus? Yes, afraid so. Instead of approaching meetings how you usually do – with an A4 typed list of issues that need discussing and a red marker pen to tick things off as you do – why not share a jug of Pimms in the pub instead? Who knows what ideas you may come up with on how to promote personalisation to service users after a session in a boozer?

Gemini (May 22 – Jun 22)

You overindulged in music, drink, drugs and more at the Glastonbury festival. The day after returning you turn up at work bleary-eyed only to face a team induction on drug and alcohol misuse followed by a meeting on sexual health and pregnancy risks. You are afraid your bright red face, constant interruptions of “No, I wouldn’t do that” and knowing laughter have exposed the lie about a quiet weekend camping in the country. And you have another five festivals to get through.

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