This is an April Fool’s story
Social workers will have to be able to type at 100 words per minute to continue practicing, shock plans announced this week have said.
The minister for the Department of Ideas That Fall Apart Under Any Scrutiny said making the ability to type quickly a condition of practice for social workers is a sensible step to freeing up their time.
“Research suggests social workers can spend up to 80% of their time on administrative activities, we think this shows there are a lack of high-quality typists in the social work profession. Rather than reduce the amount of recording, we think its more sensible if we only let people who can type quickly become social workers,” minister Peter Ian Staker said.
He added: “Its not about getting rid of bureaucracy, its about making bureaucracy happen quicker.”
Because of the announcement social workers will face weekly, three-hour typing tests to ensure they are still compliant. Those who can’t type quickly will be forced out of the profession to work for the online chat support of company customer service departments.
The minimum speed required for social workers under the new rules will be 100 words per minute, but those who can type at 120 words per minute or higher will be fast-tracked into management.
The announcement came at the same time as the government pledged a multi-million pound investment in TypeFirst, a new speed typing training course for professionals that promises reinforced keyboards and intense finger muscle training.
TypeFirst said it hoped to attract and support the “nimblest and most dextrous” into the profession.
April Loof, chief executive of The UK Association of Social Workers, said the announcement would likely prompt fevered discussions about how fast 100 words per minute is: “100 just feels like a number to me. I’m sure I can match that. Does spelling matter? How fast can you type? How long are the words?”