Something’s troubling me. I was on a train few days ago when a guy in his early 20s got on with a mate – at least I think he was a mate. He (man in his 20s) took the seat opposite me and started chatting
Cheerfully he told me that he had brain damage – the result of being ran over twice as a boy. “But I’m all there,” he said, tapping the side of his head.
The thing that bothered me was his friend. Despite the availability of a seat near us, he chose to stand near the door. He looked over at us frequently and at me with suspicion. I’d guess he was at least 10 years older than his friendlier pal. Four stops on, he sat down so he could ask his younger friend if he had any money for the bus. He didn’t so he suggested they fare dodge, like they normally did. All the while he kept looking at me warily. It seemed to be he had no interest in talking to me and he wasn’t happy that his friend was either.
Two stops later, they got off. Watching them through the window as the train pulled off, I thought it odd that the older guy walked quickly along the platform, while his younger friend, who clearly had difficulty moving his legs, struggled to keep up. Now I wonder if they really were friends or if the older man was hanging around with the younger guy for other, dubious reasons.
Maybe I’m imagining possible exploitation where there is none because I’ve researched and written a piece on the huge numbers of people with a disability who are being “befriended” by unscrupulous people in the community. As anyone who works in social care knows, it’s all too easy to see danger where none exists. Nevertheless, I’m still unsettled by the incident. But I couldn’t have done anything anyway, could I? I wasn’t about to quiz them both to establish if their friendship was genuine. Many of us - myself included - have been reluctant to step into public situations where there is an obvious problem. The parent screaming at their child is a classic example. So what are the chances that I or anyone will intervene in a situation such as the one above when all we may have to go is a gut feeling that something is amiss?
More and more people who have learning disabilities are living in the community – many without adequate support – and we should be looking out for them more. In the same way as child protection workers have for years called on the public to recognise they have a responsibility to help safeguard children, we need to be doing the same for adults who may be vulnerable.
But how realistic is that? We are becoming a nation that increasingly chooses to ignore even those who are being abused – verbally or physically - in front of our eyes, so it’s unlikely we’ll be alert the needs of those who may be suffering in secret.
I’ve got no idea if the young guy on the train had a genuine friendship with the person he introduced to me as a mate. And if I had that time again, I’d still be none the wiser.