Community Clairvoyance

Virgo (Aug 24 – Sep 23)

Enough is enough. The time has come to expose your colleague (you both know who we’re talking about here) for what they really are: a slacker who feigns being busy but has a nil productivity level. Remember to cover your tracks though – we can’t have anyone accusing you of personal vendettas now can we?

Libra (Sep 24 – Oct 23)

Love is in the air. Sadly, though, it doesn’t yet appear to be reciprocal. Don’t set yourself any tough challenges at work this month – you are going to need serious amounts of time to getting yourself noticed (and appreciated) by you know who

Scorpio (Oct 24 – Nov 22)

Your shoulders are weighing heavy with the burden of someone else’s secret, which you are desperate to share but have promised not to. Try calling your answerphone or the talking clock to get it off your chest.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 21)

A relative’s birthday is almost upon you and you still haven’t worked out what to buy. You want to come up with something original and surprising but are limited in time to one lunch hour and can only get to three rubbish shops near your work. The odds don’t look good. Make a mental note to yourself: try planning ahead a little better next year.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 20)

You are already regretting not signing up to the evening class that started this week. Dig out the prospectus again and get yourself signed up ready for January so you can stop fretting, start learning, and automatically fill every Tuesday and Thursday evening for the first three months of the year.

Aquarius (Jan 21 – Feb 19)

Your decision about a certain course of action at work is being questioned and, while you were certain about it at the time, you are aware that your reasons now appear a little flimsy. Time to admit defeat (or save face and make up some different reasons that sound more plausible).

Pisces (Feb 20 – Mar 20)

Your desire to help others looks set to lead you into difficult waters this month as your support is misconstrued by others as romantic advances. Time to nip this in the bud. Take a leaf out of your boss’s book and act like a complete git towards them instead – that should clear up any misunderstandings.

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 20)

You’re starting to regret telling your boss where to shove their idea about not taking any time off in lieu this month as you’re sensing some hostility. But stick to your guns. You’ve earned those days off – and your colleagues are all grateful for your outburst even if your manager isn’t!

Taurus (Apr 21 – May 21)

You are desperately trying to overcome your sense of loss at the absence of any real summer this year, and are determined to embrace the arrival of autumn to make up for it. At first, no one seems that interested in your efforts to organise a team day out to the woods to celebrate the trees losing their leaves. But I’m sure you’ll win them round.

Gemini (May 22 – Jun 22)

Your interest in Facebook is bordering on an obsession. Is it time to seek help? I suggest you update your status as “concerned” and ask people to post their advice on your wall. Then take some time out to do some actual work.

Cancer (Jun 23 – Jul 23)

With no more Big Brother to brighten your day, you have a regular slot to fill every evening with an alternative meaningful activity. The possibilities are endless: watch Eastenders repeats go through your bank receipts to try and work out how you can possibly be so skint type up your overdue case notes. Or you could just go to bed an hour earlier and be an even brighter, sunnier person around the office

Leo (Jul 24 – Aug 23)

Rumour has it that your plans for improving services in-house have been rejected for being too ambitious. And the cowards haven’t even got the nerve to tell you to your face! Resolve to implement your plans anyway to prove the yellow-bellies in charge wrong, and then get some service-users on side to back up your claims of success.