Community Clairvoyance

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 20)

There are big changes on the work front this month – maybe a new employer or a takeover. The workplace is buzzing with rumours about relocations, job losses, mysterious venture capitalists and the like. And despite soothing words from the top, you are all biting your finger nails and looking at the job pages.

Taurus (Apr 21 – May 21)

Has someone put a spring in your step or is it just the better weather? Maybe it’s time to trade in your Birkenstocks for spring’s latest fashions while you’re feeling positively perky. It could bring about a whole new you! Then again it could a dispiriting trawl through shops selling ill-fitting, expensive clothes.

Gemini (May 22 – Jun 22)

Looking in the mirror this morning, you saw a giant toad. Stay off the burger and chips at lunchtimes.

Cancer (Jun 23 – Jul 23)

This is the month to spring forward rather than fall back so drink in those lighter evenings and let your inner crab shake off its winter blues and come out to play. Work may be up and done, good news one minute, bad news the next, uncertainties at every turn, but hey, summer’s on the way and that’s the most important thing in Cancer’s life. So skip through the tulips and do as you should at this time of year – stuff your face with chocolate eggs.

Leo (Jul 24 – Aug 23)

Have you ever heard of a negative Leo? Where all the gifts of your sign, being fun and lovely and having lots of friends and a sunny disposition, are turned into their opposites. A lack of adulation gnaws away at your huge ego and being overlooked for promotion doesn’t help. Tell everyone you were born in June.

Virgo (Aug 24 – Sep 23)

Saturn is opposite Venus while Mercury the messenger is in the house of power in the 7th circle of the sky for the first part of the month. Music is well starred and travelling to gigs with friends might be an option. But your friends hate your taste in music so you will be going alone.

Libra (Sep 24 – Oct 23)

Your employer has been selected for the new workforce development pilots. There will be plenty of time to offer your views based on years of experience in social work; less time filling forms, more spent with clients at the frontline and so on. All keenly listened to – and ignored.

Scorpio (Oct 24 – Nov 22)

Your belief in equality is being undermined by your fertile colleagues. Several women are soon to go off on maternity leave for many months, leaving the rest of you even more overworked and relying on fresh-faced agency workers. Why are they always off in spring and summer, not the cold winters. Time to demand action – anonymously of course.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 21)

The inspectors are calling. Keep calm. Get out the person-scented candles, the yoga mats and the “How to overcome stress at work” manuals. Repeat to yourself “I am the best, we are the best, they will love us” each morning until you become numb. It will work and by next month you will wonder what all the fuss is about.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 20)

Your attempts to avoid a boring colleague who talks about ancient history while travelling to and from work with you is beginning to take its toll. Hiding in the toilets on trains and going upstairs and sitting at the back of buses among the yobs have already cost you two fines, a mugging and an embarrassing episode with a lonely, old, bearded man. Get over it, your colleague can’t be that boring?

Aquarius (Jan 21 – Feb 19)

The single status review has come through and, lo and behold, you’ve gained more than a £1,000 a year. But some people in your office have lost out and are talking about going out on strike and are asking for solidarity. As a water sign, are you going to go with the flow or be a rock?

Pisces (Feb 20 – Mar 20)

A letter arrives from the General Social Care Council. You have been staring at it unopened for days – have they found out about the missing money, or surely not the e-mail incident, and not a lot happened between you and the dishy client? Burn the letter, you will feel better.