Community Clairvoyance: The alternative social work horoscope

Leo (Jul 24 – Aug 23)

With your birthday coming up make sure everyone knows and buys you a present.

Virgo (Aug 24 – Sep 23)

Personalisation is so confusing isn’t it? Just give any requests to a colleague to sort out.

Libra (Sep 24 – Oct 23)

Neptune is transcendent with Mercury in the House of Love meaning humiliation at the staff outing awaits you.

Scorpio (Oct 24 – Nov 22)

You’ve passed your exams – a life in social care awaits you, hurrah?

Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 21)

Hot weather is an excuse to wear the fabled social work sandals.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 20)

The sentencing of the canoe couple has blown your idea for escaping the UK out the water.

Aquarius (Jan 21 – Feb 19)

Cafcass wants to headhunt you try fainting like in Jane Austen novels and suggest someone else.

Pisces (Feb 20 – Mar 20)

Oh no, you forgot to re-register! Try blagging when the GSCC calls.

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 20)

Stay at home, you’ll feel better.

Taurus (Apr 21 – May 21)

A word in your floppy ears – everyone is bored hearing about your bloody pets.

Gemini (May 22 – Jun 22)

Your boss wants to make amends for working during the strike – the price must involve pain.

Cancer (Jun 23 – Jul 23)

Clients have moved near and keep waving to you – pretend you are French and don’t know them.

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