Community Clairvoyance

Aquarius (Jan 21 – Feb 19)
Passion is the new fashion! Love matches are Aquarius, Gemini, Libra and Aries but surprisingly not Pisces – you would have thought fish would like water but the stars say different.

Pisces (Feb 20 – Mar 20)
You are upset with Aquarians this month as they keep blanking you.

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 20)
The Commission of Social Care Inspection is no more. You appear to have outfoxed the regulators – again.

Taurus (Apr 21 – May 21)
The Chinese new year has begun and it’s the year of the Ox. People born in an Ox year are hard working – just like Taurians. Therefore you will have to work doubly hard this year.

Gemini (May 22 – Jun 22)
Your pets have turned against you and don’t want you in the house. Flee!

Cancer (Jun 23 – Jul 23)
Don’t wait to be asked. Exciting things may occur this month but only if you ask before they happen.

Leo (Jul 24 – Aug 23)
You are an ambitious sun sign. Which is fitting as The Sun’s agony aunt is on the social work taskforce and will have an important say in your career. Why not open a new service from work offering cheap and tacky advice to prurient members of the public?

Virgo (Aug 24 – Sep 23)
Mercury the messenger is opposite the planet Skaro, where the Daleks live. Expect to receive many rude, bossy e-mails that threaten you with reorganisations or worse.

Libra (Sep 24 – Oct 23)
This month will put the horror back into horoscopes. There is the threat of job loss and bankruptcy over your debts. Luckily, it’s a short month so you have fewer days to worry yourself into a state of psychological collapse.

Scorpio (Oct 24 – Nov 22)
Let go of your ex-partner’s wallet, move on and get on with your life.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 21)
Don’t listen to the doomsayers. You love your job, have a great love life and are solvent. To top it all, the planet Neptune is opposite Saturn – so be very lucky and try anything.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 20)
You are caught in the horns of a dilemma you old goat, whether to stick with social work or jump the fence to where the grass is greener.