Community Clairvoyance

Leo (Jul 24 – Aug 23)

As a fire sign you are burning with bright ideas this month – so why not book a slot with the boss and go for that promotion. If it doesn’t work – head for the pub, push your way through the saddos smoking outside, and buy yourself a pint. After all, it is your birthday. Well, near enough.

Virgo (Aug 24 – Sep 23)

Your council’s car allowance is under review. Recent unguarded comments you have made about global warming haven’t gone unnoticed and colleagues seem a little fed up with you following the threatened introduction of a compulsory bike allowance.

Libra (Sep 24 – Oct 23)

You are a great team player and working in partnership really means something to you. But make sure you are not dragged down by people who don’t play the game. As an air sign you can float above the infighting if you choose to – so don’t let anyone else burst your balloon. If all else fails use the helium to make your voice heard above the clamour.

Scorpio (Oct 24 – Nov 22)

You like to sail close to the wind and you are not averse to breaking the occasional rule – but watch out. Your luck won’t last for ever so be prepared for a surprise. A tall, dark stranger may call – could it be someone from the GSCC wanting to see whether you’ve kept your professional profile up to date?

Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 21)

It’s time to form alliances at work and you can’t afford to be too choosy about with whom. Support can come from the most unlikely source. But if you feel you’re getting nowhere you could always try to get down with the kids and sign up to Facebook – someone somewhere must want to be your friend.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 20)

You can’t hear the sound of music at the moment and you feel like a lonely goat herd. But resist the temptation. Remember you’re in a committed relationship. What would nanny think, you silly billy? Pull yourself together and think of some of your favourite things.

Aquarius (Jan 21 – Feb 19)

This is the dawning of a new era – for the country and for Aquarians. So why are you looking so miserable? You need to find a cure for the summertime blues. It’s the silly season – so go and be silly. Perhaps putting a live eel in the water-cooler  is going a bit far – but you get the gist. Try to make a bit of a splash.

Pisces (Feb 20 – Mar 20)

Never forget the adage “there’s no such thing as obstacles – just opportunities for circumvention”. It’s time to indulge your predilection for swimming against the tide. Failing that, bunk off work for a couple of days and get stuck into Harry Potter.

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 20)

The child-free among you find your commitment to fairness is severely tested at this time of year as all of your colleagues with children have somehow gained a priority on the leave rota – leaving you to hold the fort in a deserted office. As a fire sign you tend to smoulder when annoyed – so book a post-school hols off-peak break to cool your temper.

Taurus (Apr 21 – May 21)

As Homer Simpson so memorably put it: “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.” Your managers mistake your waning enthusiasm for lack of ability – show them how wrong they are by quitting for something better. The office copy of Community Care is open at the jobs pages – could it be a message from the stars?

Gemini (May 22 – Jun 22)

You will be tempted to take up smoking again as all your smoker friends are having such fun enjoying  the new craze of “smirting” – flirting in the outside smokers area. You feel left out – but then you didn’t go into this job to be popular (fortunately!)

Cancer (Jun 23 – Jul 23)

Your tough outer shell hides a sensitive soul, but you definitely have an edge to you when you want to. Now is the time to use it. Go on – don’t be a mug. Demand your  BASW coffee cup back from that colleague who pinched it and has been blatantly slurping from it at the next desk.