Community Clairvoyance the alternative horoscope for social workers

After surviving last month’s holiday disaster Ð did you really have to “try out” Heathrow Terminal Five in the first week of opening? Ð you’re still wearing the clothes that were left to you when your baggage went walkies. Time to buy some new clothes; your partner wants their underwear back, clean.

It’s finally time to have that much-needed spring clean in your life. Clear out all the rubbish that could be holding you back, such as your partner. It could be the best time to move on from the past. After all, you’ve been living together for a while now and could do with a break.

You are sunny, shiny and lapping up the lovely weather. Everyone smiles at you. You feel on top of the world Ð go on, apply for that high level job you’ve been thinking about. Don’t let the doubters put you off.

Mayday! Your colleague shouts across the room as he does every year on 1 May before swaying about in a manner reminiscent of a sinking battleship. How annoying is he Ð very. Put salt in his tea.

Hurrah! The football season is nearly over. Soon you won’t have to pretend you are interested in a boring game of two halves or listen to asinine talk radio shows just so you can take part in Monday morning work conversations and feel part of the in-crowd down the pub. You will not have to brush up football tactics just to be able to make small talk. A couple more weeks of Uefa-Premiership-Championship-Beazer Homes-FA Cups or whatever and you will be free Ð for three months. Oh no, the European Championships start in June.

You think you are the sexy, sizzling type of star sign. Except the rest of staff think you are a home-breaker and a marriage-wrecker. That’s why they give you the hard cases and scrawl libellous things about you on the toilet walls. Time to move to a new job and fresh victims.

You are visited in your dreams by a service user. You can’t remember their name nor why they came to see you. But you vaguely remember having to do something really important for them Ð you wrote it on their case file. But without their name or the issue, you will have to go to the basement and trawl through every file for the past five years. Oh well, lucky the office opens at the weekend.

New sunny climates bring lighter-hearted times. Old acquaintances may resurface and any hard work will be worth it. Don’t trust those who promise the earth coming through on promises; they will come from a more unexpected quarter. Dancing under the stars is good for the soul.

How about booking that long weekend away you’ve been thinking about? You work hard all year long and need something to look forward to for the May bank holidays. Beats being visited by the in-laws during the break.

That strange man who visited the office last week and whispered to your colleagues. He could have been from the GSCC Ð they might be on to you at last. Time to get paranoid and move on to a new workplace before they catch up with you again.

Take some time out to think about your actions this month; a rash decision may have upset someone. Pick up the phone and apologise Ð especially if they are your boss who has to decide on any bonuses this year or dividing up the new cases. Remember, keep on best terms with the powerful Ð until they fall.

OK, so your new year’s resolution about losing weight failed by the end of January. But there is still time to get fit for the summer. So dust off those running shoes and start using them again. With the warmer weather and lighter evenings finally arriving Ð what excuse can you possibly give? You never know you might enjoy it!