My Care Story: ‘Don’t assume that everything is okay because that is the carer’s narrative’

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‘My Care Story’ is a new series dedicated to amplifying the stories of care-experienced individuals and providing social workers with vital insights to improve the support they offer.

Leonie* advocates for the reform of the care system and ensuring the voices of children are heard by those in power.

Her passion is deeply personal, rooted in her own experience of being in care for much of her childhood.

In her entry, she reflects on her journey through various placements, the abuse she endured and the consequences of social workers failing to follow safeguarding procedures.

How would you describe your time in care?

I would describe my time in care as lonely and emotionally void.

From the age of six, I was placed in a number of foster care placements and a kinship arrangement with a relative.

During that time, I had many social workers and a personal adviser, and although I can’t remember all of them, I know there were at least eight. It was hard to build a relationship with any of them because, before I knew it, they were gone and replaced by another.

When I went into my first placement, I had no idea what was going on. No one had explained why I was being taken into care; they just said that my mum was sick and we’d be back soon. It was only when I received my files that I realised why this seemingly necessary evil had to happen.

During my time in care, I had my voice constantly silenced.

Whenever I would express my feelings, I was told to “Stop crying” or “Stop being difficult”. As a result, I quickly learnt from a young age to bottle my emotions, to not express how I was feeling, because no one truly cared.

It was also a lonely experience; most of my time was spent in my room. In some placements, I wasn’t allowed to roam the house. I was confined to my room except for going to the bathroom or heading downstairs for my meals.

The only thing that made this experience tolerable was my sister, who was with me throughout my time in care. We would talk, make dance routines and play games. She was the only bit of a normal childhood I had.

What is something that has stayed with you from your time in care?

Something that has stayed with me from my time in care has been the trauma I experienced.

One of my foster carers, Mary*, was emotionally abusive and would essentially starve us, buying us the cheapest food.

As part of one of our reviews, I remember a social worker asking what we had had for dinner the day before, to which I told her it was instant mash, with canned curry and boiled cabbage.

Whether it was because the meal was so disgusting or she didn’t believe me, she said, “Hmm, that can’t be right. Maybe it was something else”.

Other social workers would ask the same question, usually with Mary in the room, and before we could answer, she would interject and tell the social workers about the ‘wonderful’ and completely made-up meals she’d make for us.

Or, she would say, “Remember I also made you seasoned rice with vegetables, which you really liked”. The social worker would smile and nod as everything was seemingly okay.

My kinship carer was emotionally, physically and financially abusive. When I raised these issues with my social worker, not much was done to address them.

The silver lining was that being unable to rely on others made me incredibly independent from a young age. This helped with my problem-solving, budgeting and general life skills. I also got to spend a lot of time with relatives and reconnect with my culture.

The trauma has stayed with me and it is something that I deal with daily. But it has also made me highly passionate about advocating for the rights of children in care.

Can you give an example of a time you received good support?

I received good support from my personal adviser when I started looking for accommodation at 21.

My social worker then took the time to explain the bidding process to me, accompanied me to viewings and helped me sign the relevant documents needed to secure my place.

I was grateful for this support as I had no idea how to begin looking for a flat and the documents I would need. She also helped me set up a home allowance and apply for the correct exemptions.

Can you give me an example of a time you received bad support?

A time I received bad support would be when I made it known that there was physical abuse within my kinship placement.

I was young and apprehensive of telling this to my social worker, but still mustered up the courage.

She reassured me that the matter would be handled and I had nothing to worry about.

To my absolute horror and dismay, her idea of ‘handling the situation’ was to directly ask my carer if this was true, which they obviously denied.

Shortly after, I was informed I would be allocated a new social worker.

All this just made the abuse worse and greatly affected my relationship with other social workers. Instead of expressing what I truly felt, I just told them what they wanted to hear – everything was fine and I was happy in my placement.

From then on, my carer would always be present when I was asked questions and I knew that anything that did not fit their narrative would lead to consequences later on.

What would you have liked to have been done differently?

Ideally, I would have liked Carol*, the social worker, to have followed the correct safeguarding processes, in accordance with the statutory guidance on fostering under the Children Act 1989, to ensure my safety.

Instead, she directly confronted my carer and took their word at face value. I would have liked her to believe me and possibly move me out of the placement.

What would you tell social workers today?

I would tell them to listen to the children they are supporting; to not only listen but to take action and follow the correct process, not assume that everything is okay because that is the narrative the carer is giving. Look for the subtle cues.

Sometimes, it takes a lot for a child to speak up about their experience. So when they do, please do not be dismissive, please take this on board.

*Names have been changed

Celebrate those who’ve inspired you

Photo by Daniel Laflor/peopleimages.com/ AdobeStock

Do you have a colleague, mentor, or social work figure you can’t help but gush about?

Our My Brilliant Colleague series invites you to celebrate anyone within social work who has inspired you – whether current or former colleagues, managers, students, lecturers, mentors or prominent past or present sector figures whom you have admired from afar.

Nominate your colleague or social work inspiration by filling in our nominations form with a few paragraphs (100-250 words) explaining how and why the person has inspired you.

*Please note that, despite the need to provide your name and role, you or the nominee can be anonymous in the published entry*

If you have any questions, email our community journalist, Anastasia Koutsounia, at anastasia.koutsounia@markallengroup.com