Anything but the VOO

Sun columnist Jon Gaunt, launches a vicious attack on the government’s proposed Violent Offender Orders – dubbed “Super-Asbos” for dangerous criminals released from prison. Gaunt calls the “Voo” the latest plan from the home secretary’s Ministry of Silly Acronyms and Policies, and questions whether they would work. “That’s really going to put the fear of God into some 16st tattooed thug as he mugs you for your phone or stabs your husband and father to death on your doorstep. ‘Ooh no, your honour, Not the Voo, anything but the Voo!” he quips.

Pleadin’ cheek,” screams The Sun “Benefits family of 10 want a mansion.” Sue McFadden, 54, says she needs a bigger house for her three children and six grandchildren. McFadden, whose family gets the equivalent of £32,000 a year in benefits, says: “I feel like Old Mother Hubbard cooped up in here with all these kids.”

School is out, cool is in, The Daily Mail reports in shock. The National Union of Teachers annual conference heard how an “onslaught” of multinational companies meant far too many youngsters valued £90 Nike trainers and McDonald’s ahead of schoolwork. Now how long did it take to think that one up? As long as it takes to work out the link between bears and woods? The Daily Mail was suitably impressed with this earth-shattering news to give it nearly half a page – although overshadowed by the news most teens would rather read: “Angelina and the minder who got too heavy.”