Carew incommoded

I am used to taking calls from people with some strange views
about what we should write articles on. But nothing could have
prepared me for the call I received one sunny morning last
week.

A pleasant-sounding woman politely asked whether we would
consider an article on adaptations for older people. Interested, I
asked her to continue. What a mistake!

‘Well, I think your readers would be interested in the views of
older people about their commodes.’

After what seemed like an eternity I cautiously asked: ‘Why
would social workers want to know about the different types of
commodes used by older people?’

‘Well,’ she replied calmly, ‘they would get an opportunity to
read about the different types on offer, the shapes and how older
people feel about them.’

I quickly came to my senses and let her down gently. But, for
one scary moment, I truly believed that Scotty had beamed me aboard
the ‘Starship Enterprise’ without my consent.